Chinese Finger Trap
by Xellina
Summary: The group set out on this adventure together, but will a wedding change everything? Chapter 20 up.
1. The... First Chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own The Slayers, nor will I ever *pouts*. But, on with the fiction. (Note, Fiction, not real *mutters* unfortunately.) {Insert other legal crap, like don't sue~ you'll get…*leaves*…*returns* about $.50.}  
  
Chinese Finger Trap  
  
Lina, Gourry, Shipheel, Zelgadiss, Amelia, Filia, and Xelloss…  
  
Val: Hey, what about me?  
  
You'll come in later!  
  
Val: Not cool…  
  
You, shut up. Back to the story!  
  
Val: Does this one have a plot?  
  
Anyways, Lina, Gourry, Shipheel, Zelgadiss, Amelia, Filia, and Xelloss were walking through the woods. Lina hoped there would be bandits; Gourry was just walking along; Shipheel basked in dear Gourry's presence; Zelgadiss was thinking about his cure; Amelia was humming the opening to slayers next, very badly; Filia was worrying about whether Val would be ok; and Xelloss was plotting ways to kill the annoying princess. All in all, the group was normal, or as normal as they were going to get.  
  
Lina: Hey, what's that supposed to mean?  
  
Nothing, nothing… It was getting dark and they decided to set up camp…  
  
Val: Cue creepy music…  
  
Shut up Val…  
  
Lina: I think we should camp on the right side of the road!  
  
Xelloss: My right, or your right?  
  
Lina: My right you moron!  
  
Filia: Go, Lina!  
  
Zelgadiss: Actually, I think Xelloss' right would be better…  
  
Amelia: I agree with Mr. Zelgadiss!  
  
Filia: Grrrrrr…  
Gourry: Lina's right would make a better place to camp.  
  
Filia: Exactly!  
  
Shipheel: I agree with Gourry dear.  
  
Lina: Well, I don't care what you think, we're camping here.  
  
Xelloss: Oh, I didn't say I disagreed with you, I just asked which right.  
  
Amelia: Let's go by majority.  
  
Lina: Great. I still win.  
  
Zelgadiss: Good move Amelia.  
  
Amelia: You're so mean.  
  
Zelgadiss: You just noticed that?  
  
Lina: Stop arguing! Let's just set up camp, ok?  
  
Gourry: Lina, I don't think we have enough tents…  
  
They all got a good view of the ground before they plunged face first into it.  
  
Val: Where have I heard that line before?  
  
In another fanfic. Not written by me. Now, SHUT UP VAL!  
  
Lina: Gourry, we went over this last night, the night before that, and the night before that, the night before that one…  
  
Zelgadiss: We get the point Lina.  
  
Lina: But I can go on!  
  
Xelloss: Please do.  
  
Lina: Anyways, girls sleep in one tent, boys in the other.  
  
Zelgadiss: Lina, can't we sleep under the stars tonight?  
  
Lina: Sure, EXCEPT, THERE ARE MISQUOTES, IT'S ABOUT 50 DEGREES OUT, WE DON'T KNOW THESE PARTS, WE'RE ALL TIRED SO NO ONE WILL BE STANDING GUARD…  
  
Shipheel: Lina! Stop!  
  
Xelloss: New record for words in one breath, while yelling, goes to Lina!  
  
Lina: *mushroom thing* Zel, you never had in complaints before…  
  
Xelloss: What exactly are you implying Lina?  
  
Filia: XELLOSS! *whips out mace-sama* Die!  
  
Zelgadiss: You sick bastard!  
  
Gourry: I don't get it…  
  
Lina: You wouldn't.  
  
Shipheel: Don't be mean to Gourry dear!  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina, what did he mean?  
  
Filia: *beats Xelloss mercilessly with her mace until he's unconscious*  
  
Lina: Guys, could you set up the tents? I'm going fishing.  
  
Gourry: Ok Lina!  
  
Zelgadiss: *Kicks Xelloss in the head while he can't hit him back* Just a second Lina, little busy here…  
  
Amelia: Lina… What am I suppose to do?  
  
Lina: You and Shipheel start a fire.  
  
Xelloss: *wakes up* Oh Zelly!  
  
Lina: Knock it off Xelloss. *leaves*  
  
Xelloss: *muttering* She never lets me have any fun.  
  
Filia: You don't deserve to have fun!  
  
Xelloss: How do you figure that?  
  
Filia: You are a dirty, evil, mean-spirited monster!  
  
Xelloss: Now, now Filia. Remember how mad you got when they threw you in jail just because you were a Dragon?  
  
Filia: Yes.  
  
Xelloss: You are being mean to me just because I'm a demon!  
  
Filia: It's different! And the jail thing was your fault!  
  
Xelloss: It's not different, and we're not pointing fingers!  
  
Amelia: Those two would make a great couple.  
  
Shipheel: No, they wouldn't.  
  
Filia: *whacks Amelia with mace-sama*   
  
Amelia goes flying off, Zelgadiss blushes, and explains to Gourry how to put up a tent. Unfortunately, he couldn't grasp the concept and Shipheel did it for him. They all sat around the campfire and it was quiet…  
  
Val: I can't believe it!  
  
Lina isn't there.  
  
Val: That must be it.  
  
The silence doesn't last long. Xelloss makes a comment about how long Lina's been gone and he and Filia start arguing.   
  
Xelloss: I was bored!  
  
Anyways, it didn't stay silent for long, and then Lina returns…  
  
Lina: *has fish above her head*   
  
Gourry: Food!  
  
Lina: *Drops fish in a pile near the /little/ fire*  
  
Xelloss: Nice catch Lina! *holds fish bigger that him*  
  
Fish person: Put me down!  
  
Xelloss: This one's mine!  
  
Fish Person: You can't eat me!  
  
Xelloss: Wanna bet?  
  
Filia: *Whacks him with mace-sama*   
  
Xelloss: *drops fish person*  
  
Fish person: *runs away*  
  
Xelloss: Oh Filia, you're so good to me!  
  
Amelia: *hold Filia so she can't give Xelloss any more brain damage*  
  
Zelgadiss: Xelloss, Filia, stop flirting!  
  
Gourry: *burp*   
  
Lina: Gourry, don't tell me, YOU ATE ALL MY FISH!  
  
Gourry: Well,  
  
Lina: Did you even cook them?  
  
Shipheel: Gourry dear…  
  
Gourry: I was hungry!  
  
Lina: Is there anything left?  
  
Amelia: *looks around* No.  
  
Xelloss: *bends down, picks something up*  
  
Lina: *Jumps behind him* What is it Xel, is it food?  
  
Xelloss: *opens big book of stuff* It's a Chinese finger trap. Not edible.  
  
Lina: You sure?  
  
Xelloss: Yep. *goes over to Gourry* Here, stick your finger in this end.  
  
Gourry: Ok. *sticks finger in one end*  
  
Xelloss: Ok, now Shipheel, stick your finger in this end…  
  
Shipheel: Uhhhhh, ok… *sticks finger in the other end*  
  
Lina: Uhhhh, Xelloss?  
  
Filia: Xelloss, what are you planning?  
  
Xelloss: Me? *innocent smile*  
  
Gourry: *tries to pull away*  
  
Xelloss: *whispers in Lina's ear*   
  
Lina: Since I have nothing better to do… AMELIA, ZEL COME HERE!  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina, you don't have to yell.  
  
Zelgadiss: What now?  
  
Lina: I heard a rumor that your cure was in a town down in the valley…  
  
Zelgadiss: WHAT? TELL ME, TELL ME!  
  
Lina: But, *yawn* I'm too tired, and there isn't any excellent food there so, I can wait until tomorrow to go…  
  
Zelgadiss: I'll meet you all in the town tomorrow…  
  
Lina: But won't you be lonely there, all alone?  
  
Zelgadiss: If I must, I'll take…  
  
Amelia: *stars in eyes*  
  
Zelgadiss: Filia with me.  
  
Amelia: But, but…  
  
Zelgadiss: Come on Filia…  
  
Filia: What?  
  
Zelgadiss: Come on, we're going into the town.  
  
Xelloss: Oh, don't go!  
  
Filia: Anything to get away from him! *grabs Zel* Come on!  
Amelia: Hey! WAIT FOR ME! *runs after them*  
  
Gourry and Shipheel sit next to the /little/ fire trying to get their fingers apart. Xelloss stands above them laughing.  
  
Val: When am I going to get here?  
  
Soon, now shut up.  
  
Lina: *looks at them* I'm going to bed.  
  
Xelloss: I'll join you.  
  
Gourry: W-W-W-What?  
  
Shipheel: B-B-B-But…  
  
Lina: *turns around, slowly* What did you say?  
  
Xelloss: I'll join you! ^ . ^  
  
Lina: Don't even think about it. I got rid of them not because you asked me to, so I could have the tent to myself!  
  
Xelloss: But, won't you be lonely?  
  
Lina: No. *enters tent* And if you follow me, I'LL FIREBALL YOUR ASS!  
  
Xelloss: Ohhhh, she never lets me have any fun! - . -  
  
Shipheel: Xelloss, how do you get this thing off?  
  
Xelloss: That's a secret! ^ . ^ *enters boys' tent*  



	2. The Second chapter!

The Next morning…   
  
Gourry: Why, why wont it come off?  
  
Shipheel: None of my spells work on it!  
  
Xelloss wakes up. And exits his tent.  
  
Xelloss: Ahhh… *Stretches* How are you two today?  
  
Shipheel: Please, Mr. Xelloss, how do you get this off?  
  
Lina, who was awake the whole time, comes out of her tent.  
  
Lina: Xelloss, did you leave them like that all night?  
  
Xelloss: Why, yes.  
  
Lina: Come on Xel; tell them how to get it off.  
  
Xelloss: I can't do that.  
  
Lina: *gets right up in his face* AND WHY NOT?  
  
Xelloss: That's a…  
  
Lina: *prepares a fireball* Say it and DIE!  
  
Xelloss: Reason number one: It's not normal. Reason number two: … I don't want to.  
  
Collective facefalt.  
  
Shipheel: Mr. Xelloss!  
  
Lina: *Jumps on Xel, and puts him in a headlock* Tell them now you crazy priest!  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Back at the inn.  
  
Zelgadiss: Ohhhh! There isn't even a temple here. Not even a library! I'm going to kill Xelloss!  
  
Filia: Oh! That sounds like a wonderful idea! Can I help?  
  
Amelia: I can't believe it! You guys, you can't just kill him…  
  
After a lot of auguring… Filia and Zel win… But they had to tie Amelia to the bed because they can't trust her.  
  
Amelia: Hey! You can't leave me here! *struggles* Please… Mr. Zelgadiss!  
  
They leave her tied to the bed while they find the troublemaker.  
  
Val: Yea!  
  
In a big field…  
  
Filia: So, we wait for them to come then we…  
  
Zel: Shhh! Here they come.  
  
Gourry and Shipheel walk along. Still stuck together by the finger trap. Lina is being carried by Xelloss.  
  
Val: WHAT? Back up. Tell them what happened before that.  
  
Shut up! I'm getting there! She's unconscious, therefore putting up no fight. Zel and Filia can't see that though, and are, well, really mad.  
  
Zel: What the?  
  
Filia: Shhh! Come on. Let's do it!  
  
Zel and Filia Jump out of the bushes, seemly out of breath…  
  
Xelloss: So, what have you two been up to?  
  
Filia: *vein thing* W-W-W-What…what did you say?  
  
Zel: …   
  
Gourry: I don't get it.  
  
Shipheel: Oh, Gourry-dear. That's ok. I don't get it either.  
  
Collective facefalt, all except Lina, who's unconscious. Which means Xelloss fell on top of her. ^_^;;;  
  
Filia: *Whacks the fallen monster on the head with her mace* HA HA HA HA HA HA! I finally got him!  
  
Zel: *Looks inside the crater Filia made* Didn't that overdo it Filia?  
  
Filia: No!  
  
Many sweat drops later…  
  
Gourry: But what about Lina?  
  
Filia: … I, I forgot about her.  
  
Shipheel: Oh, I hope she's all right…  
  
Back at the inn…  
  
Xelloss: Owwww… *Rubs head* Owwww…  
  
Lina: My whole body hurts… *everyone casting healing spells on her*  
  
Filia: Oh, Lina I really am sorry… I forgot he was carrying you…  
  
Lina: HOW COULD YOU FORGET?!!  
  
Zelgadiss: Well, he was laying on you…  
  
Lina: W-W-What? *Growls* Xelloss…  
  
Xelloss: Well, you see… Gourry said something stupid…  
  
Filia: He wasn't doing anything Miss Lina.  
  
Lina: Yea, well… *beats him with a fan* YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO FALL DOWN YOU KNOW!!!!  
  
Amelia: *mumbles*  
  
Gourry: Amelia! Why are you tied to the bed?  
  
Lina: *eyes go wide and looks to Zel. Blinks twice* Uhhhh, Zel?  
  
Zelgadiss: *eyes go wide, hand goes up* It's not like that!  
  
Xelloss: *disappears*  
  
Shipheel: Mr. Xelloss! Come back! I need to know how to get this thing off!  
  
Lina: *sweat drop* I'm going to eat.   
  
Zelgadiss: Those? Those are simple. Look…   
  
They got it off…   
  
Messenger boy: Letter for Miss Shipheel?  
  
Shipheel: That's me. *takes the letter, tips the boy and opens it*  
  
Gourry: What is it?  
  
Shipheel: Oh, No!  
  
Gourry: What?  
  
Shipheel: They need me back home…  
  
Gourry: Oh.  
  
Amelia: Umm…mmm...hhhh?  
  
Gourry: Sure Amelia. *unties her*  
  
Shipheel: I have to leave now. Good-bye!  
  
Amelia: Good-bye Miss Shipheel!  
  
Gourry: Bye!  
  
Shipheel leaves.  
  
Amelia: Mr. Gourry, why aren't you eating?  
  
Gourry: Lina's eating?  
  
Amelia: Yes.  
  
Gourry runs out of the room screaming stuff like: Lina, wait! And: Don't eat it all!  
  
Val-chan: Am I ever going to be inserted into this?  
  
Not now. Anyways, the inn kicks them out, and there's no other inn's in the area, so they walk towards the woods in hope to find a good camp spot…  
  
Gourry: Lina, I'm still hungry!  
  
Lina: That's your problem.  
  
Amelia: Lina, why are you so grouchy?  
  
Lina: I'M NOT GROUCHY, WHO SAYS I'M GROUCHY?  
  
Gourry: Well, you are a little touchy today.  
  
Lina: AM NOT!  
  
Filia: Lina, please calm down.  
  
Lina: I AM CALM!  
  
Zel: Please stop yelling Lina.  
  
Lina: I'M NOT YELLING!  
  
Amelia: Yes you are.  
  
Lina: I'M NOT YELLING. YOU WANT TO SEE YELLING?  
  
Xelloss: *appears* Sure! ^_^  
  
Lina: THIS IS YELLING!  
  
Amelia: Owwwww…  
  
Gourry: My ears…  
  
Zel: Linaaa…  
  
Filia: Ohhhh, Miss Lina!  
  
Xelloss: Wow. She even shattered the trees.  
  
Trees: Ohhhh! That's worse than Naga's laugh!  
  
Lina: Naga?  
  
Amelia: Naga? Who's Naga?  
  
Lina: Don't get me started on that subject.  
  
Zel: So… Lina, why was Xelloss carrying you before?  
  
Lina: Ask Xelloss.  
  
Xelloss: Well, Lina was unconscious, so I carried her.  
  
Amelia: So, why was she unconscious?  
  
Xelloss: That is a…  
  
Filia: *takes out mace-sama* Say it and die.  
  
Xelloss: Oh, Filia. You could never kill me.  
  
Filia: Want to bet?  
  
Gourry: I know why Lina was unconscious.  
  
Everyone facefalts, and asks him.  
  
Gourry: Well… Lina facefalted on a sharp pointy rock, and Xelloss was cooking, and…  
  
Amelia: Xelloss was cooking?  
  
Zel: No wonder she was unconscious!  
  
Xelloss: I'm not that bad of a cook!  
  
Filia: Just like a monster to be a bad cook!  
  
Xelloss: I am not a bad cook!  
  
Lina: Hello?  
  
Everyone looks wide-eyed at Lina…  
  
Lina: Xelloss's cooking wasn't bad…  
  
Xelloss: See!  
  
Lina: As Gourry said before, I facefalted on a sharp pointy rock…  
  
Zel: And that's what caused all this?  
  
Xelloss: Well, yea.  
  
They set up camp and all that… Anyways, they were all sitting around the campfire…  
  
Gourry: Wow. Xelloss's cooking really is good.  
  
Amelia: Mmmmm…  
  
Lina: See?  
  
Xelloss: ^_^!  
  
Filia: Humph!  
  
Gourry: Filia, you should really try some of this!  
  
Filia: I am not trying something a monster cooked!  
  
Xelloss: *twitch, twitch*  
  
Lina: Filia! He's not going to kill you! Here, try some.  
  
Filia: No way!  
  
Lina: Ohhhh! I give up. I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND EITHER OF YOU! I'm going to bed.  
  
Xelloss: Hey, Zel… ^_^  



	3. We Get A Plot! (The Third Chapter)

Zelgadiss: *Growls* What now?  
  
Xelloss: Guess what I've got.  
  
Zel: I don't care.  
  
Xelloss: Wrong! Guess again!  
  
Zel: I already told you, I don't care.  
  
Xelloss: And I already told you, that's wrong.  
  
Zelgadiss: Fine, I give up, what is it?  
  
Xelloss: Just a little something I picked up from a certain temple…  
  
Zel: What temple? Where?  
  
Xelloss: Oh, somewhere along the way…  
  
Zel: What is it?  
  
Xelloss: You have to guess!  
  
Lina: SHUT UP!  
  
Zel: Is it a potion?  
  
Xelloss: No…  
  
Lina: I can still hear you…  
  
Zel: What is it then?  
  
Xelloss: Sore Wa…  
  
Lina: *Top half of body emerges from tent* FIREBALL!  
  
Xelloss: *Disappears, then reappears*  
  
Zel: Owww…  
  
Lina: SHUT UP AND LET ME GET MY BEAUTY SLEEP!  
  
Zel: *Sweat drop*  
  
Xelloss: Do you really want to know what it is?  
  
Zel: Yea…  
  
Xelloss: Oh, Filia!  
  
Filia: Leave me alone namagoni!  
  
Lina: JUST SHUT UP!  
  
Xelloss: But it's really important!  
  
Filia: *Mutters but approaches them* Yea, what do you want?  
  
Xelloss: *Grabs their hands and joins all of their fingers with a Chinese finger trap* THIS!  
  
Lina: FIREBALL!  
  
Xelloss: Goodnight! *Disappears*  
  
Filia: Ahhhhh!  
  
The next morning we see Filia sleeping on Zel's shoulder. Zel is leaned up next to a tree. Amelia is trying to start a fire, but is failing miserably. Mostly because she is too busy staring at Filia and Zel. Oh, and Val is there. He stumbled in; he is also staring at the pair. Lina is still asleep, Gourry disappeared, and Xelloss still hasn't returned.   
  
Gourry: *stumbles into camp*  
  
Amelia: *Doesn't notice him*  
  
Val: *Doesn't either*  
  
Lina: *Wakes up and comes out of her tent* Hello minna! *Notices the couple* What's with them?  
  
Amelia: I don't care!  
  
Xelloss: *appears* Sure you do!  
  
Amelia: No, I don't!  
  
Xelloss: Yes you do.  
  
Amelia: No, I don't!  
  
Xelloss: Yes…  
  
Lina: What do you want Xelloss?  
  
Xelloss: What do you mean?  
  
Lina: You know what I mean!  
  
Zel: *Wakes up* What's all the commotion?  
  
Amelia: I think you know!  
  
Zel: *Notices Filia* It's not like that!  
  
Filia: *Wakes up* What's going on?  
  
Val: I have no idea…  
  
Filia: What are you doing here? *tries to get up, but can't because of the Chinese finger traps*  
  
Val: I came to see you.  
  
Filia: I thought I told you to stay home.  
  
Val: *laughs nervously* Yea, well, about that…  
  
Lina: I don't care about that… All I care about is what Xelloss wants us to destroy now.  
  
Xelloss: I think that's my cue to go…  
  
Lina: Oh, no you don't! *Jumps on him and puts him in a headlock*  
  
Zel: Here we go again… *Tries to get the finger traps off* Hey, they wont come off!  
  
Xelloss: Oh yes, those are enchanted finger traps. So, they wont come off by normal means.  
  
Lina: What do you mean?  
  
Xelloss: They wont come off until the couple confesses their true feelings for each other.   
  
Filia: Confesses their true feelings?  
  
Xelloss: Yes, you have to tell each other exactly how you feel about each other.  
  
Lina: *Lets go of him, only to find herself stuck to him by a finger trap* HEY!  
  
Gourry: I don't get it…  
  
Amelia: *Cries*  
  
Dark figure in the shadows: Now's my chance…  
  
The dark figure springs out of the trees and thick bushes. He quickly grabs Amelia while no one's looking. Then he runs off as fast as he can.  
  
Zel: HEY!  
  
Filia: What?  
  
Zel: Filia, I think you're pretty, a little immature, but smart. I also think you're a kind caring person.  
  
Zel's end of the finger traps snap off. He runs off in the direction that the guy took Amelia.  
  
Lina: Hey, Zel? Where you off to?  
  
Filia: What, what just happened?  
  
Lina: Xelloss, what's going on? Where'd Amelia go, and why did Zel take off like that?  
  
Xelloss: Well, you see…  
  
Lina: Tell me the truth. And all of it!  
  
Val: Mom, I'm going home. These people scare me.  
  
Filia: That's good. They scare me too.  
  
Val: It's good that they scare me?  
  
Filia: No, it's good that you're going home.  
  
Val: Yea, ummm, bye! *leaves*  
  
Xelloss: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…  
  
He continues to tell the Star Wars saga, after he finishes…  
  
Lina: Where in the hell did that come from?  
  
Gourry: I think you hit him a little too hard in the head Lina.  
  
Filia: Jar-Jar just sounds so adorable!  
  
Lina: *Sweat drops* Just what did that have to do with Amelia leaving?  
  
Xelloss: Absolutely nothing!  
  
They all facefalt, moaning…  
  
Lina: Xelloss…  
  
Xelloss: Ok, here's a true story… Ranma was just a little kid, but his dad put him through hell. One day they went to China…  
  
Xelloss proceeds to tell the life stories of Ranma-tachi in great detail…  
  
Gourry: I don't get it, how could Ranma be half girl, and half boy?  
  
Filia: Remember? He fell into a cursed spring. P-chan just is so kawaii!  
  
Lina: XELLOSS! THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT WE'RE FACING NOW! TELL US SOMETHING USEFUL, PLEASE!  
  
Xelloss: But, that was useful!  
  
Lina: AHHHHHHH!!! *beats Xelloss mercilessly with her fan* NOITWASN'TANDYOUKNOWIT! NOWSTOPTELLINGUSUSLESSCRAPANDTELLUSWHAT'SGOINGON!  
  
Gourry: I think that was a record!  
  
Lina: SHUT UP!  
  
Xelloss: Well, that's a se…  
  
Lina: Say it and die!  
  
Xelloss: Ok, well, that's something I don't know at all!  
  
Everyone facefalts, moaning, except, Xelloss who is connected by the finger trap to Lina, so he falls on top of her.  
  
Lina: Get off of me!  
  
Xelloss: *does as he is told*  
  
Gourry: So, Lina… What do we do now?  
  
Lina: I don't think there's anything else we can do except start off in the direction that Zel went in.  
  
Gourry: Well, let's go then!  
  
A/N Sorry it's such a short chapter! But I think this is a pretty good place to end it. More coming soon! I don't really know where to go from here, but, I'll think of something!  



	4. We Loose the Plot! (The Fourth Chapter)

At an inn at a town about five miles down the road from where I left off in the last chapter Lina is in the process of questioning the innkeeper if he had seen Zel or Amelia. Filia was drinking tea, Gourry was eating. Lina was dragging along Xelloss…  
  
Lina: *comes to the table where Gourry is eating and joins him*   
  
Gourry: So, did the innkeeper know anything?  
  
Lina: Yea, he said Zel was through a long time ago; he headed off towards the mountains after he had a cup of tea.  
  
Filia: So. What are we going to do Miss Lina?  
  
Lina: We don't have many choices, we either stay here tonight, or we continue…  
  
Gourry: We can't just leave, we just got here!  
  
Lina: HEY! MR. INNKEEPER! ARE THERE ANY TOWNS NEARBY AFTER THIS?  
  
Innkeeper: Not within a five mile radius.  
  
Lina: You heard him. I guess we stay here tonight, and continue tomorrow.  
  
Filia: Ummm, Miss Lina, what are you going to do with Xelloss?  
  
Lina: I don't know. Xelloss, how do you get this thing off?  
  
Xelloss: Same way Filia's going to get hers off.  
  
Lina: Fine. I think you're an annoying manipulative little pest.   
  
Nothing happens…  
  
Xelloss: You have to tell everything.  
  
Lina: Everything? Isn't there any other ways to get this stupid thing off?  
  
Xelloss: Nope.  
  
Gourry: So, what are you going to do tonight?  
  
Lina: Can't you just teleport out of it?  
  
Xelloss: Yes, but why would I want to do that?  
  
Lina: *Puppy dog eyes, snuggles close to him* Please?  
  
Filia: Miss Lina! Gourry, what's going on? I've never seen Lina act like this!  
  
Gourry: She does this whenever she wants something, or wants to get out of something.  
  
So, yes, Lina is totally in character!  
  
Filia: Oh…  
  
Xelloss: Oh, come on. You don't think you can make me do something just by acting cute… do you?  
  
Lina: It's worth a shot.  
  
Xelloss: *laughs*  
  
Lina: *performs an encore of the dreaded puppy dog eyes routine* Please?  
  
This goes on for about an hour…  
  
Lina: Fine! *she pays the innkeeper for one room, then drags him up to it*  
  
Gourry: Lina?  
  
Filia: Miss Lina?  
  
In the room…  
  
Lina: I think you're handsome. *blushes*  
  
Xelloss: Really?  
  
Lina: Why wont they come off? I told you everything!  
  
Xelloss: Everything?  
  
Lina: *blush* Well, it's close enough!  
  
Xelloss: Now, now Lina-chan…  
  
Lina: *blushes deeper* Fine! I think you're hot!  
  
Xelloss: *evil grin gets wider, he opens his eyes*  
  
Lina: And I find it damn sexy when you do that.  
  
Xelloss: Do what? *mock innocence in his voice*  
  
Lina: Open those eyes of yours. Why? Why wont they come off?  
  
Xelloss: *laughs* Because that's not how you get them off.  
  
Lina: It's not? But I thought…  
  
Xelloss: Look… *he show her the normal way to get them off*  
  
Lina: XELLOSS! HOW DARE YOU! I'M GONNA KILL YOU! FIREBALL! COME BACK HERE AND TAKE YOUR BEATING! DAMN YOU!  
  
Gourry and Filia both sweat drop.   
  
Gourry: I'm going to go see what's going on… *he heads up the stairs and is about to knock on Lina's door…*  
  
Lina: FIREBALL!!!!  
  
When the door is blown off its hinges right into him.  
  
Gourry: Itai!!!!  
  
Lina: COMEBACKHEREXELLOSS! IT'SNOFAIRDISSAPPEARING! GETYOURNICEASSOVERHERERIGHTNOW!!!!!  
  
Xelloss: You didn't tell me that Lina… What else are you hiding from me?  
  
Lina: *pauses for a second* DAMN IT!!!! Did I really say that aloud?  
  
Filia: Oh, this tea tastes so nice…  
  
Xelloss: Yes you did my Lina-chan.  
  
Lina: I am NOT YOUR LINA-CHAN! FIREBALL!  
  
Xelloss: *dodges it* Now, now Lina-chan. Calm down.  
  
Lina: Darkness beyond twilight,  
Crimsonfrombloodthatflowsburiedinthestreemoftimeiswhereyourpowergrows. LETTHEFOOLSWHOSTANDBEFOREMEBEDESTROYEDBYTHEPOWERTHATYOUANDIPOSESS! DRAGONSLAVE!!!!!  
  
Lina chanted the spell so fast Xelloss didn't have time to react. Anyone for hot and crispy burnt Xelloss?  
  
Xelloss: Owwwww! Lina-chan… that was mean!  
  
Lina: Shut up! It's only what you deserved.  
  
Gourry: Lina, did you really have to Dragon Slave him?  
  
Lina: Yes I did Gourry.  
  
Filia: What'd he do to you anyway?  
  
Lina: We just talked, and he tricked me into saying stuff I didn't want to say.  
  
Xelloss: I enjoyed it. I even got a tape!  
  
Lina's taped voice: And I find it damn sexy when you do that.  
  
Lina: *blushes* XELLOSS…  
  
Xelloss: ^_^;;;; Got to go… bye! *leaves*  
  
Lina: XELLOSS! GETBACKHERE! GETBACKHEREANDTAKEYOURBEATING! HOWDAREYOUDOTHAT! GIVEMETHATTAPEYOUSADISTICFRUITCAKE!  
  
Gourry: Ummm, Lina?  
  
Filia: Miss Lina?  
  
Lina: *blush* Well, you see…  
  
Xelloss: *appears* Lina and I were going to have kinky s…  
  
Lina: DRAGON SLAVE!  
  
Xelloss: Owwwww…  
  
Lina: What were you saying?  
  
Xelloss: Nothing…  
  
Lina: That's what I thought.  
  
Filia: You get him Miss Lina! *Waves little flag that says 'go Lina!'*  
  
Gourry: So, why did you say that Lina?  
  
Lina: He tricked me into thinking that to get the stupid finger trap off I had to tell him exactly how I feel about him…  
  
Filia: So, that's true?  
  
Lina: ^_^;;;;; Well…  
  
Xelloss: I'm going to make copies of this…  
  
Lina's taped voice: Fine! I think you're hot!  
  
Lina: GIVE ME THAT TAPE!  
  
Xelloss: No way!  
  
Lina: DRAGON SLAVE!  
  
Nothing happens…  
  
Lina: Damn it! Fine Xelloss. You win this round. But after I eat you're going down! Filia! Where's the nearest town?  
  
Filia: About six miles in the direction we just came from.  
  
Lina: Ok, where's the nearest town in the direction that we're heading in?  
  
Filia: About ten miles from here.  
  
Gourry: TEN MILES?  
  
Lina: Fine. Filia turn into a dragon.  
  
Filia: No way! Not with him around!  
  
Xelloss: And, I'm not leaving.  
  
Lina: Fine then. Xelloss, teleport us there.  
  
Xelloss: W-W-What?  
  
Lina: *Fangs come out* Xelloss, do it or else.  
  
Xelloss: Or else what?  
  
Lina: Or else the next time I see you I'll use Ragna Blade instead of Dragon Slave.  
  
Xelloss: Ok, I'll do it, but I'm only teleporting you Lina.  
  
Lina: Fine. Gourry you can ride Filia into town.  
  
Filia: What?  
  
Lina: Just do it!  
  
Xelloss: *picks up Lina* Hold on tight now.  
  
Lina: *wraps her arms around his neck* Ready!  
  
Xelloss: Here goes…  
  
If you think Lina was out of character, think of this: she's hungry and tired and can't use her magick right now. Ok, in the town…  
  
Lina: *hops out of Xelloss's arms* Ok, where's that inn?  
  
Xelloss: I think it's over there.  
  
Lina: Yea! Food! *grabs Xelloss by the wrist and drags him to the inn/restaurant*  
  
Waitress: Can I take your order?  
  
Lina: I'll have everything, triple portions.  
  
Waitress: Sis?  
  
Lina: Luna? *hair goes all spiky* Uhhhh, nevermindcanclethat. Lets go Xelloss.   
  
She takes him by the wrist and runs at a very fast pace to the next town that was five miles away. Meanwhile…  
  
Gourry: C'mon Filia! It's not like I haven't seen it before…  
  
Filia: *takes out her mace and whacks him to the next town*  
  
Back with the other two…  
  
Lina: *all out of breath from dragging Xelloss for five miles* I cant believe it… That was nee-san…  
  
Xelloss: She seemed nice enough.  
  
Luna: Lina? Lina?  
  
Lina: Hurry, in here. *Pulls him by the wrist into a crowded inn*  
  
Xelloss: Lina, if you wouldn't mind pulling me by the other wrist for a while…  
  
Innkeeper: Can I help you?  
  
Lina: Ummm, yea. Two rooms please.  
  
Innkeeper: I'm sorry, we only have one left.  
  
Luna: Lina? Is that you?  
  
Lina: We'll take it! *flips gold coins at the innkeeper and drags Xelloss by the wrist into the room*  
  
Xelloss: Is that a slug? *looking at the plants on the table*  
  
Lina: Slug? *Jumps onto his back* Where? Where?  
  
Xelloss: Oh, never mind!  
  
Lina: *Whacks him with a fan* Baca…  
  
A knock on the door…  
  
Luna's voice: Lina? Lina are you in there?  
  
Xelloss: Yea Lina's in…  
  
Lina: *slaps her hand over his mouth*   
  
Lina in a fake British accent: No, no one named Lina here.  
  
Luna: Lina, I know it's you. Let me in.  
  
Lina: Xelloss… *puppy dog eyes* help!  
  
Gourry comes flying in through the window, a mace print across his face…  
  
Luna: *pounds on door* Come on Lina, let me in!  
  
Gourry: Whose that? *opens door*  
  
Luna: *steps in* Hello Lina!  
  
Gourry: Xelloss. I didn't know you had a sister!  



	5. We Get Back To The Plot (The Fifth Chapt...

Collective facefalt. Luna laughed at his ignorance.   
  
Luna: Silly. I don't understand how Lina could ever like you.  
  
Lina: That was a long time ago.  
  
Luna: Yes, until you met your other protector.  
  
Lina: *blush* Could we talk about something else please?  
  
Gourry: Wait a minute, you're Lina's big sister?  
  
Filia: What do you mean, 'other protector?'  
  
Lina: Nothing! It's nothing!  
  
Xelloss: Oh, I would like to hear this.  
  
Lina: Shut up or die Xelloss.  
  
Xelloss: -_-;;;; …  
  
Luna: Anyways, Lina, I have another job for you. And this time I don't think that you'll complain.  
  
Lina: What is it?  
  
Luna: You are to hunt down the monsters that stole Amelia. You are then to kill them, and bring Amelia back to Sailroon safely. This is your mission, if you choose to accept it. If I were a tape I'd self-destruct in five seconds.  
  
Collective facefalt.  
  
Lina: Nee-san, lay off the action movies.  
  
Luna: Lina, I don't think you're in any place to complain.  
  
Lina: Of course not. I wasn't complaining, really! *nervous laugh*  
  
Filia: So, where do we find these monsters? *cracking knuckles*  
  
Luna: If I told you everything I'd be too easy.  
  
Gourry: So, you are Lina's big sister, right?  
  
Collective facefalt.   
  
Lina: Gourry, shut up. I'm getting a headache.  
  
Gourry: Really? Why?  
  
So, after questioning the town's people they set off towards the mountains. They were the highest mountains in the world, and our group emerges from the dressing room… Lina, in a blue fir lined suit. The boots are white leather and have salt and pepper fir lining them, a little shows out of the top, they're heels, so they maker her about an inch taller. Her light blue tight pants are leather too, and also have salt and pepper fir lining. Her jacket matches her pants, and has a lot of pockets. It's form fitting, and looks good on her. She wanted a white cape, but everyone said that it would be too hard to find her in the snow. So, she settled on a navy blue cape, with a hood, with salt and pepper fir lining.   
  
Filia: Oh, Miss Lina that looks so good!  
  
The boys all agreed, while blushing.  
  
Filia: Miss Lina, will you help me choose something?  
  
Lina: Sure, just let me change.  
  
She emerges from the dressing room in her usual out fit and helps Filia pick something out.  
  
Filia: I like this outfit, let me go try it on.  
  
Lina: I think it's too pink.  
  
Filia emerges from the dressing room in white leather boots, much like Lina's but with white lining. She has long fir filled socks that stop mid calf; they are white, filled with white fir. She's wearing a long pink dress, that's a little tighter that her normal one, same color of pink though; it's also lined with white fir. She has a pink jacket with a hood, same color of pink; also lined with white fir.  
  
Lina: I still say it's too pink.  
  
The boys agree with Lina, Filia sticks her nose up at them and takes the outfit anyways.  
  
Lina: Hey, Zel, how about this? *holds up a outfit*  
  
Zel: No, how about this? *holds up all crème outfit*  
  
Lina: No, that'd make you too hard to find in the snow. C'mon, try it on! *holds up the same outfit*  
  
Zel: Fine. *grabs and goes to try it on*  
  
Zel emerges in gray leather boots, lined with black fir. Tight black pants, lined in black fir. A black jacket, lined in black fir. It has lots of pockets, a male style of Lina's jacket. A black hooded cape, lined in salt and pepper fir. Black gloves, lined in salt and pepper fir. Lina studied him when he came out, looking him up and down.  
  
Lina: It looks great! Oh, I need gloves! *runs and grabs a pair of white, with salt and pepper fir*  
  
Zel: *sighs and goes to the dressing room to take it off*  
  
Gourry: My turn! My turn!  
  
Lina: Ok Gourry! Let's see here… Oh! Try this on!  
  
While Gourry is in the dressing room Filia finds a pair of white gloves, lined with white fir and adds them to her pile. Gourry emerges in black boots, lined with black fir, dark green pants, lined in salt and pepper fir. (They were tight pants too) A forest green jacket, lined in salt and pepper fir, and a black hat with earflaps, lined with black fir. Filia notices another accessory that she's missing and finds a pink hat lined with white fir, also has earflaps.  
  
Lina: Oh! I am just loving this! Xelloss! Your turn!  
  
Xelloss: Do I have to?  
  
Lina: Yes. Now…  
  
Gourry goes back into the changing room… And after a few minutes emerges.  
  
Lina: Oh, you're so hard to shop for!  
  
Everyone sweat drops.  
  
  
Lina: Here it is! The perfect outfit!  
  
Xelloss: If I must…  
  
After about five minutes…  
  
Lina: Xelloss? You coming out?  
  
Xelloss: No.  
  
Lina: Why not?  
  
Xelloss: I don't like tight pants!  
  
Lina: Come on Xelloss! Pweeeese?  
  
Everyone sweat drops.  
  
Lina: I'm going to see you in it before you buy it so get out here already!  
  
Xelloss: No. But if you're so intent in seeing me in it…  
  
The door opens a hand reaches out and pulls Lina into the dressing room. Xelloss is dressed in black leather boots, black tight pants, a really dark violet jacket, and a black cape. All were lined in black fir. Lina looked him up and down, circling him.   
  
Lina: What are you complaining about? It looks great!  
  
Author's Note: They caught up with Zel, that's why he's here. -_-;;;  
  
Xelloss: Fine, I'll take them. *starts to unbutton jacket*  
  
Lina: You're not going to change here, in front of me, are you? *blushes*  
  
Xelloss: What's wrong with that?  
  
Ok, and Lina blows up the store. They run off in the direction of the mountains with there cloths that they didn't pay for… Now, let's see what's happing with Amelia…  
  
Amelia: You people are evil! Change your evil ways! It's not too late! Choose the path of love and justice! With love and justice on your side you'll never need anything else!  
  
Bad guy #1: Please? Boss I really want to kill her!  
  
Bad guy #2: Yea, boss. She's getting on my nerves too.  
  
Amelia: You can't kill me!  
  
Boss: Why not?  
  
Amelia: I Amelia Wil Tesla Saroon will not allow it!  
  
Boss: You wont allow your own death?  
  
Amelia: Justice won't allow it either!  
  
Boss: *approaches her with a knife* I don't think justice will save you now.  
  
Amelia: But love will!  
  
Boss: Love? Love! *hysterical laughter* You hear that boys? Love!  
  
The room fills with the sounds of people laughing…   
  
Amelia: Yes love! My love will save me!  
  
More laughter… Anyways, back with the heroes…  
  
Lina: Lay off Gourry! That's my chicken!  
  
Gourry: This chicken's mine!  
  
While Lina and Gourry are fighting over the chicken Xelloss swoops in and takes it for himself.  
  
Lina: XELLOSS! THAT WAS MY CHICKEN!!!!  
  
Xelloss: Was is the key word there Lina-chan.  
  
Zelgadiss: Don't you think we should be moving on?  
  
Lina: I guess so… Xelloss pays the bill!  
  
Xelloss: What? Why me?  
  
Lina: You took my chicken.  
  
Cute little boy: Are you guys going to the mountains?  
  
Our heroes scream and run half way up the mountains.  
  
Phribrizo: What's with them? *shrugs and walks off*  
  
Back to our story…  
  
Filia: We skipped out on another bill!  
  
Xelloss: Well, you could always go back there and pay it Filia.  
  
After that Filia and Xelloss get in a big fight. The rest of our group sweat drops and quickly changes into their warm cloths.   
  
Zelgadiss: So, we're headed to that big castle up there?  
  
Lina: Looks like it.  
  
The group walks until the sun is about to set, while our heroes set up camp let's see what Amelia's doing…  
  
Amelia: It's cold. Can't you light a fire?  
  
Bad guy #1, or Bob: No.  
  
Amelia: Why not?  
  
Bob: Because.  
  
Amelia: It's against justice to not light a fire when someone is cold and can't do it them self.  
  
Bob: Why don't you do it your self?  
  
Amelia: Because I'm in a cage! A cage that magick can't be used in!  
  
Billy, or Bad guy #2: My shift.  
  
Bob: Thank gods.  
  
Amelia: Could you light a fire?  
  
Billy: No…  
  
And on, and on it goes through the night. Back with the others…  
  
Xelloss: It's just like a dragon not to know how to make a snow cave.  
  
Filia: Oh, shut up Xelloss.  
  
Xelloss: Defiantly not match for the monster race at all!  
  
Filia then transforms into a dragon and tries to kill him, ruining the camp in the process.  
  
Lina: DAMN IT! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? WOULD YOU TWO JUST KNOCK IT OFF?!  
  
Zel: You're acting more immature than Lina.  
  
Lina ignores this comment. And stairs at the two fighting, races.  
  
Filia: *becomes human again* Well, he started it!  
  
Xelloss: Did not!  
  
Filia: Did too!  
  
Xelloss: Didn't!  
  
Filia: Did!  
  
Lina: *looks up at the sky* Why me?  
  
Zel: Knock it off, all of you. We need to set up camp, and at this rate we'll never get anything done!  
  
Gourry: Is that a hot springs?  
  
Everyone looks in the direction he's pointing…  
  
Lina: Count me in!  
  
They all run off the hot springs leaving a very frustrated Zel, and a upset Filia behind.   
  
Zel: *Puts his hand on Filia's shoulder* Shall we join them?  



	6. We Lose The Plot Again! (The Sixth Chapt...

Filia and Zelgadiss stay behind. Meanwhile at the hot springs…  
  
Lina: Oh, this water is sooooo nice.  
  
Lina is alone on the girls' side just relaxing until…  
  
Random Lady: AHHHHH! A PERVERT!!!!  
  
Lina wonders what's going on and turns around…  
  
Lina: XELLOSS! WHATINTHEHELLDOYOUTHINKYOU'REDOING!?  
  
Xelloss: I needed to ask you a question Lina.  
  
Lina: COULDN'T IT HAVE WAITED?  
  
She stands up to get a better look at his face when…  
  
Xelloss: Looks like I'm not the only one not wearing a towel, ne Lina-chan?  
  
Lina: DRAGON SLAVE!!!!!  
  
Back at camp, awhile after the explosion…  
  
Gourry: I still can't believe it!  
  
Xelloss: Imagine that! A golden dragon making out with a chimera.  
  
Zel: Shut up. *a dark blush creeps across his face*  
  
Filia: So? That's not nearly as bad as what Miss Lina did!  
  
Lina is dressed in Xelloss's clothes. Turns out she burnt hers up in the explosion. Along with all the towels. She dressed in front of him. The were both facing away from each other. But, Lina knew, with him, it really didn't matter.  
  
Filia: Or what you did for that matter!  
  
Zel: Yes, I was surprised when Lina showed up in Xelloss's clothes, and Xelloss in a giant purple towel.  
  
Lina was still dressed in Xelloss's warm clothing. Her regular clothes were too thin, and she fried her warm pair. Xelloss, on the other hand was freezing in his regular clothing.  
  
Xelloss: Lina, can I please have my clothes back? *Shiver, shiver*  
  
Lina: No way! You are the reason mine are fried, so you have to suffer.  
  
Yes, I know he could just leave, but that would ruin the plot!  
  
Lina: Filia, aren't you supposed to be a priestess?   
  
Filia: Yea? So?  
  
Xelloss: So you shouldn't be making out with…  
  
Filia: SHUT UP!  
  
Zel: Come on, let's make our snow caves and go to sleep.  
  
Gourry: What are snow caves?  
  
Filia can't grasp the concept, so Zel helps her. Gourry can't grasp the concept either so he ends up sleeping under a tree. Xelloss and Lina make their caves and crawled into them. Then Lina remembered that she had first watch. She crawled out of her cave and sat next to the fire. Don't bother the author about the fire, you have an imagination, and they blew up the hot springs, remember? Anyways, Lina was sitting next to the fire when she heard someone moaning.  
  
Lina: I wonder who that is.  
  
She walked around, peering into the caves. It wasn't Filia, or Zelgadiss. It wasn't Gourry, or herself. That left one cave.  
  
Lina: Xelloss? *she peers into his cave*  
  
He was sleeping. It was a fitful sleep; he was rolling around, mumbling something. She listened. All she could make out was her name. He curled into a tight ball. She was pretty sure that 'monsters' don't act like this.  
  
Lina: *Grabs on to Xelloss's shoulders, and pulls him into her lap* Xelloss?  
  
She realizes just how cold he is.  
  
Lina: Damn it! Xelloss? Xelloss? Wake up.  
  
He doesn't even stir. She cups his face in her hands. It's like ice.   
  
Lina: Damn. Xelloss. Wake up. C'mon!  
  
Nothing she tries will wake him up. Lina realizes that it's almost time for Zel's shift. She crawls out of Xel's cave. Zel wasn't paying much attention when I was making my cave, and then I crawled into it. Hopefully he won't notice…  
  
Zel: My shift Lina.  
  
Lina: Oh, ok. *Crawls into Xel's cave*  
  
That's when she realizes that Xel's clothing is paper-thin. She carefully lifts up his shirt. His stomach was ice cold too. She has no idea what to do. So, she does the one thing she can do.  
  
Lina: Zelgadiss!  
  
The sharp tone in her voice sent him running.  
  
Zel: What is it Lina? Are you ok?  
  
Lina: Yea, but something's wrong with Xelloss. No matter what I do I can't get him to wake up! And he's really cold.  
  
Zel: It's hypothermia.  
  
Lina: I thought… that 'monsters'… they couldn't….  
  
Zel: I thought so too. Unless…  
  
Lina: Unless…?  
  
Zel: Unless this is some sort of 'monster' flu.  
  
Lina: So, what do we do?  
  
Zel: I'll go warm some soup; you try to wake him up.  
  
Lina: Ok.  
  
Zelgadiss leaves. Ok, now I'm going to switch over and see how Amelia is fairing.  
  
Amelia: Will you please light a fire?  
  
Bad guy #3, Joe: No.  
  
Amelia: Why not?  
  
Joe: Because.  
  
Amelia: Because why?  
  
Ok, back to Xelloss and Lina!  
  
Lina: C'mon Xelloss, snap out of it!  
  
Zelgadiss: I've got the soup.  
  
Lina: I can't get him to wake up! You don't think he's…  
  
Zelgadiss: *checks pulse* No, he's still alive.  
  
Lina: Thank the gods! But, what are we going to do?  
  
Zelgadiss: Think you can drag him over by the fire?  
  
Lina: Who needs to drag anyone? *casts levitation*  
  
Zel: Ok, set him by the fire, and wake up Filia.  
  
Lina: *nods head, sets Xelloss by the fire and goes to Filia's cave* Filia, wake up! We need your help!  
  
Filia comes out of the cave. The finger traps still stuck to one hand.  
  
Filia: What is it?  
  
Lina: Do you want to know how to get those off?  
  
Filia: Yes please!  
  
Lina: Here…  
  
Lina takes the finger traps off of Filia.  
  
Zel: Hello?  
  
Lina: Oh, Filia… Xelloss is sick and…  
  
Filia: Xelloss is sick? Wahoo! Finally, I can kill the little creep…  
  
Lina: NO! I want to cure him!  
  
Filia: Mr. Zelgadiss?  
  
Zel: It is cruel to hit him while he's down…  
  
Filia: I don't believe it!  
  
Lina: Do you know how we can cure him?  
  
Filia: Why should I care…  
  
Lina: *Grabs Filia by the collar* Because he's our friend! It doesn't matter whether he's a 'monster' to me or not! He's still my friend! Now, do you know how we can cure him or not?  
  
Filia: *examines him* 'Monster' hypothermia.   
  
Zel: So do you know how to make him go back to normal?  
  
Filia: Yes…  
  
Lina: So? How?  
  
Filia: Well, something of the opposite sex has to sleep with it.  
  
Zel: What?  
  
Lina: What do you mean by sleep?  
  
Filia: Cuddle up next to him and fall asleep. And don't even look at me, I refuse!  
  
Zel: Well, I can't…  
  
Lina: Me?!  
  
Zel: Looks that way…  
  
Lina: … *looks at the helpless 'monster'*  
  
Filia: Well, he is your friend Miss Lina…  
  
Lina: But… Isn't there some other way?  
  
Filia: No. There is one part I forgot…  
  
Zel: What's that?  
  
Filia: The one who does this has to accept it and love it. That is, assuming that 'monsters' are the same as dragons.  
  
Lina: Well, I do accept him… *blush*  
  
Zel: I'm going to bed.  
  
Filia: Me too.  
  
Lina: Hey!  
  
They both retreat, leaving Lina alone with a cold, paler than usual Xelloss.  
  
Lina: The things I do for you. Levitation. *sets him in her cave*  
  
Lina stares at him for a while. Then she throws down his cape, that she's wearing for something to block the snow. Then she gently rolled him onto it. Sighing, she snuggles up next to him. Then, uses his chest as a pillow. Finding this comfortable, she throws one arm around his stomach. Finding this to be extremely relaxing, and very comfortable, she wraps one of her legs around both of his and snuggles down. Her eyelids dropped sleepily, until she finally doses off. Her last thought was: and to think, all this because of some silly Chinese Finger Traps.  
  
Amelia: Won't anyone light a fire?!  
  
Bad guys: No!  
  
Amelia: Please?  
  
Billy: No.  
  
Amelia: Pweeese?  
  
Bob: No.  
  
Amelia: P-P-Please?  
  
Joe: No.  
  
Amelia: Pretty please?  
  
Jim: No.  
  
Amelia: Pretty please with sugar on top?  
  
Billy Bob Joe Jim (That's his name!): Oh, ok. *lights fire*  
  
Amelia: Thank you!  
  
The next morning Xelloss wakes to find Lina sprawled all over him. He smiles, wraps his arms around the petite sorceress, and goes back to sleep.  



	7. The Seventh Chapter!

Zelgadiss peered into Lina's snow cave. And what he found he didn't like. Lina, practically lying on top of Xelloss. And, to make matters worse, he had his arms wrapped around her! Lina began to stir. Her eyes fluttered open, rested on Xelloss, then closed. Zel thought for sure that Xelloss was going to get at least a fireball, but she didn't so much as yell at him! He was fuming. He was about to go in there and tear the two apart when soft strong hands began massaging his back. He turned around and met eyes with Filia.  
  
Zel: Look! *his eyes were about to well with tears*  
  
Filia: *peers in* What in the seven hells?  
Their voices where loud enough to wake Xelloss, but not Lina. He decided to ignore them and try to go back to sleep. Until he heard…  
  
Filia: We should have killed him when we had the chance!  
  
Zel: I'm beginning to agree with you. We never should have let Lina…  
  
Filia: Shhh… I think he's awake.  
  
Xelloss didn't move, and made it appear that he was sleeping. Hopefully they would resume their conversation. Unfortunately, luck wasn't with him.  
  
Gourry: *stumbles out from under the tree* Good morning! Where's Lina? Did she eat everything?  
  
Zel: Lina isn't awake yet.  
  
Gourry: Oh. When's breakfast?  
  
Filia: Whenever Lina gets up.  
  
Gourry: Oh, when's she going to get up?  
  
Zel: At the rate things are going, never.  
  
Gourry: Why? Is she sick?  
  
Filia: No.  
  
Gourry: Oh, well, I'm going to get more firewood.  
  
Zel: You do that.  
  
Gourry: Don't let Lina eat everything.  
  
Filia: We won't.  
  
Gourry sets off to find firewood. Lina begins to stir again.  
  
Filia: Why don't we kill him now?  
  
Zel: Then Lina would kill us.  
  
Filia: Good point.  
  
Lina wakes up, to find she is laying on Xelloss. Thinking he is asleep she begins to slowly unwrap his arms from hers. Xelloss holds her tighter, and opens his eyes. Lina was opening her mouth when he let go of her with one are and made the quiet sign. Lina looked at him weird, but kept quiet.  
  
Filia: So, if he comes out before Lina, can we kill him?  
  
Zel: If you know a way to make it look like hypothermia did it.  
  
Filia: You freeze him, I'll use some holy magick, and that should do it.  
  
Lina was about ready to go out there and kill them herself, but when she tried to get up, something held her back.   
  
Lina: *whispering very softly* Xelloss, let me go.  
  
Xelloss: *whispering as soft* No, let me.  
  
Lina: *whispering softer into his ear* But, they're going to kill you!  
  
Xelloss: *smiles, and whispers into her ear* No they wont. You won't let them.  
  
Lina smiled at this. This sounded like a good plan. But she didn't want him to get hurt.  
  
Xelloss: *whispering* Don't worry, I'll be fine.  
  
Lina realized he was acting way ooc, and whacked the author until she made Xelloss go back to sleep, there was one problem though…  
  
Lina: GET OFF OF ME!  
  
This caused Zel to come running over.  
  
Zel: What? What happened Lina?  
  
Lina: He fell back asleep, and when he did he fell on me. Get him off!  
  
Zel: Why did he fall asleep?  
  
Lina: Well, he was acting ooc, so, I whacked the author with my fan…  
  
Zel: You did what?!?  
  
Lina: What's wrong?  
  
Zel: We're doomed!  
  
Filia: What's wrong?  
  
Zel: She whacked the author.  
  
Filia: NO! Miss Lina, please tell me you didn't…  
  
Lina: Well…  
  
Filia: We are going to be so cursed now!  
  
Gourry: *Comes back* So, are we having breakfast?  
  
Lina: Do we have any food?  
  
Filia: No.  
  
Lina: Then let's go!  
  
The hurried and picked up the camp as fast as they could. Then Lina kicked Xelloss to wake him up and they headed off.  
  
Xelloss: *wakes up* Owwww… *Sees them walking off in the distance* Well, here we go again… *disappears*  
  
Amelia's cage…  
  
Amelia: You call this breakfast? Lina's cooked better!  
  
Billy: Why did we kidnap her?  
  
Bob: 'Cuz she's the princess.  
  
Joe: Did we even put out a ransom note?  
  
Jim: Uh, oh…  
  
Billy Bob Joe Jim: No wonder we haven't seen any money!  
  
Boss: So, we have her groupies coming after us?  
  
All evil people: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Amelia: It's against justice to cook so badly… Hey, what's wrong?  
  
Back to our heroes…  
  
Lina: I'm hungry!  
  
Filia: There's nothing we can do about that right now Miss Lina.  
  
Lina: Well, you could just teleport us there…  
  
Filia: No.  
  
Lina: Please?  
  
Xelloss: *appears* Yes Filia, I teleported her last time. It's your turn.  
  
Filia: No one asked you.  
  
Xelloss: Yea, you only try to kill me.  
  
Lina: Oh, yea. I forgot about that. WHY IN THE NINE HELLS ARE YOU TWO TRYING TO KILL HIM?!?!  
  
Zel: He's dangerous Lina.  
  
Lina: Why?  
  
Gourry: He's more powerful than you Lina.  
  
Lina: So?  
  
Filia: And, he's a monster!  
  
Lina: We know that already Filia. We also know that Zel's one-third demon.   
  
Gourry: He never tried to kill you did he?  
  
Filia: No, but he killed my race!  
  
Xelloss: As much as I'd love to sit here and argue… Don't we have a princess to save?  
  
Lina: *clobbers him* I know you're behind this somehow… Tell me what's going on, and give me food! I know you have it, I can smell it!  
  
Xelloss: I'll give you the food, if you… *whisper, whisper…*  
  
Lina: *punches him in the stomach, a light blush across his cheeks* Don't go there!  
  
Zel: Look, a ski lift!  
  
Filia: What does that have to do with anything?  
  
Gourry: Yea, we're not skiing or anything…  
  
Lina: If there's a lift, there must be a lodge!  
  
Lift operator: To ride my lift you must be in a male, female couple.  
  
Zel: What? Last time this happened…  
  
Lina: Yea, that was a disaster!  
  
Gourry: So, what are we going to do?  
  
Lina: Ok, Gourry? You ride with Filia; Zel, you ride with me.  
  
Xelloss: What about me?  
  
Lina: You can teleport up there.  
  
Lift operator: Are we all settled?  
  
Every one except Xelloss: Yes!  
  
The ride up the mountain is uneventful. Mostly because the authoress is too tired to come up with something to happen. Except, Filia falls out, about halfway through the ride.  
  
Lina: Zelgadiss, scoot over. You're hogging the chair.  
  
Zel: You should have let me go with Filia.  
  
Lina: Yea? Well I wasn't about to ride up here with Gourry. Do you know how much room his armor takes up?  
  
Zel: Yea, whatever. How long until we get up there?  
  
Lina: I don't know.  
  
Xelloss: *appears in the chair ahead of them* I sense some tension here.  
  
Zelgadiss: What now?  
  
Xelloss: I was just wondering the next time you were going to try kill me. I want to be there for it. And I'm a busy man you know. Well, judging by the look on your face it'll be once you get off the lift. Thanks, bye! *disappears*  
  
Lina: What brought this crazy notion into your head anyways?  
  
Zel: Well, umm, you see…  
  
Lina: Zel, answer the question.  
  
Zel: Well, Lina. You see… umm…  
  
Lina: He helped save the world Zel. Without him, Darkstar would have it.  
  
Zelgadiss: I know! I know!  
  
Lina: Then why?  
  
Zel: I… I…   
  
Lina: Oh, forget it! You're impossible!  
  
Zel: Lina, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking! Please forgive me.  
  
Lina: He called us his friends Zel. His friends! You don't just go off and kill your friends.  
  
Zel: When?  
  
Lina: In one of the Try episodes.  
  
Zel: Really?  
  
Lina: Yes! When we first meet up with him again.  
  
Zel: Oh.  
  
Lina: I'm your friend, aren't I Zel?  
  
Zelgadiss: Yes! Of course!  
  
Lina: So, WOULD YOU JUST GO OFF AND TRY TO KILL ME?  
  
Zel: No!  
  
Gourry: What's she talking about?  
  
Lina: Then what's your problem?  
  
Gourry: Filia?  
  
Zel: I'm sorry! I really am. I don't know what came over me!  
  
Gourry: GUYS! FILIA IS GONE!  
  
Zel: WHAT?!  
  
Lina: Where'd she go?  
  
Gourry: I don't know!  
  
Zel: Well she had to go somewhere.  
  
Lina: Yea. She couldn't have just disappeared!  
  
Gourry: Well, she could have…  
  
Zel: But there would have been a bright gold light.  
  
Gourry: You don't think that those people that got Amelia, got her too, do you?  
  
Lina: Well, it's possible…  
  
Zel: They seem to strike when we're distracted.  
  
Gourry: Usually when we're arguing about something.  
  
Lina: So, we just won't argue.  
  
Zel: That's easy to say but…  
  
Gourry: Do you think Xelloss is in on this?  
  
Lina: Why?  
  
Gourry: Both times he started it.  
  
Lina: What do you mean?  
  
Zel: The first time he used the finger traps.  
  
Lina: And the second he brought up a subject we couldn't help but fight about!  
  
Zel: Do you think, it's possible…  
  
Lina: No way!  
  
Gourry: Well, if he is behind it, you're next Lina.  
  
Lina: Zel, that guy you followed… was it?  
  
Zel: No, but that doesn't mean he isn't in on it.  
  
Gourry: Please don't let your self get kidnapped Lina.  
  
Lina: I wont be kidnapped. Don't worry about it.  
  
Zel: Well, following the pattern, you would be next.  
  
Lina: Nah.  
  
Back at the bad guy's place…  
  
Filia: Put me down! Please…  
  
Amelia: Ms. Filia!   
  
Filia: Miss Amelia!  
  
Billy: No teleporting.  
  
Bob: Don't even try it!  
  
Filia: Why not?  
  
Joe: You want to know what happened to the last dragon that tried that?  
  
Filia: No.  
  
Jim: You just stay there. Billy Bob Joe Jim will take care of everything.  



	8. More Trouble! (The Eighth Chapter)

Amelia: Billy Bob Joe Jim is really a nice guy.  
  
Filia: Why me?  
  
Amelia: Don't worry. They're nice for bad guys!  
  
Filia: Talk about an oxymoron.  
  
Amelia: A what moron?  
  
Filia: An oxymoron.  
  
While Filia explains about oxymorons, well look over at our heroes. They have gotten off the chair lift and now the two males become worried about the one female left in our group…  
  
Lina: Look, I know you both worried about my safety, but can't I have some privacy?  
  
Gourry: But, they might get you!  
  
Lina: They wont get me Gourry. I'll be fine!  
  
Zel: As long as we don't argue, I think she'll be fine.  
  
Lina: Yea. So, would you both get out of MY snow-cave?  
  
Xelloss: *appears* Yes, leave the lady alone.  
  
Gourry: No way! You're not getting her too!  
  
Xelloss: Oh, I'm hurt. You think I'm kidnapping the members of our little group?  
  
Zel: Yes!  
  
Xelloss: Lina?  
  
Lina: Well, right now, it certainly seems that way…  
  
Xelloss: I swear I didn't do it!  
  
Zel: We already know you don't kidnap them. We just think you distract us so they can be kidnapped.  
  
Xelloss: Is this true Lina?  
  
Lina: I'm sorry Xelloss.  
  
Xelloss looks away hurt.  
  
Xelloss: I don't know how I'll prove it to you, but I will. I didn't have any part in this. *disappears*  
  
Lina: Wait, Xelloss! Urrr, he always does this.  
  
Zel: Well, goodnight Lina. I'll make sure Gourry doesn't fall asleep on his shift.  
  
Lina: What are we going to do about my shift?  
  
Gourry: Lina, you don't have a shift tonight.  
  
Lina: What? Why not?  
  
Zelgadiss: Think about it Lina.  
  
Lina: Oh, well, good night guys.  
  
Gourry and Zel: Goodnight Lina.  
  
Zel: I'll take first watch.  
  
Gourry: No, I will.  
  
Zel: Go get some sleep Gourry. I'll take first watch.  
  
Gourry: The only way I'll be sure I won't fall asleep, is if I take first watch.  
  
Zel: Listen Gourry. I have a lot to think about…  
  
Lina: Let go of me you creep!  
  
The creep grabs Lina, sticks a piece of tape over her mouth, and runs off caring her over his shoulder.  
  
Zel: Lina! *Runs after the man*  
  
Gourry: Linaaaaaaaa! *Runs after the man*  
  
Zel: Shit! How could I have let this happen? LINA!!!  
  
Gourry: LINA! LINA COME BACK!  
  
Back at the bad guy's place awhile later…  
  
Lina: You dirty mean evil sneak!  
  
Billy: What?!  
  
Lina: Why are you kidnapping us?  
  
Bob: Well…  
  
Lina: Well?  
  
Joe: Well…  
  
Lina: Well?  
  
Jim: Well…  
  
Lina: Well?  
  
This went on for a while. First Lina asked, then Filia, then Amelia. The answer was always…  
  
Billy Bob Joe Jim: Well…  
  
Lina: Give me an answer or I'll blow you all to Kingdom Come!  
  
Amelia: Kingdom Come? Where's that?  
  
Sweat drop. Lets see how the guys are doing.  
  
Gourry: Zel, where'd Lina go?  
  
Zel: *sweat drop* Gourry, she was kidnapped.  
  
Gourry: Oh yea! I remember now!  
  
Zel: That's great Gourry.  
  
Xelloss: *Appears* Hello!  
  
Zel grabs him out of the air and holds his face up to his own.  
  
Zel: WHERE IN THE NINE HELLS DID YOU TAKE LINA?  
  
Xelloss: Calm down! I didn't take her anywhere.  
  
Zel: I know you had something to do with this, and I'm going to prove it.  
  
Xelloss: Did you ever stop to consider coincidence?  
  
Zel: Yea, right. And I'm human. Stop lying to us and tell us where she is.  
  
Xelloss: I never lie.  
  
Gourry: Really?  
  
Xelloss: I tell half-truths, twist the truth, but never out right lie. Now could you let go of me?  
  
Zel: *complies* You had something to do with this.  
  
Xelloss: Not knowingly.  
  
Gourry: Sure, blame it on ignorance.  
  
Xelloss: The quickest way to the castle is over the hill.  
  
Zel: Are we supposed to believe you?  
  
Xelloss: You can do what you want. *leaves*  
  
Gourry: Why don't we do what he says?  
  
Zel: You really think we can trust him?  
  
Gourry: Lina does.  
  
They go over the hill. Sure enough, it was faster. At the bottom…  
  
Shipheel: Gourry dear! I'm so glad I made it in time!  
  
In Shipheel vision Gourry was surrounded by roses, with a pastel background, you get the picture.  
  
Zel: How did you get here so fast Shipheel?  
  
Shipheel: Mr. Xelloss helped me. Where are all the others?  
  
Gourry: They've been kidnapped.  
  
An evil chibi of Shipheel came out, saying things that made her blush. She quickly tucked the chibi away where she held all her dear Gourry chibis.  
  
Shipheel: Kidnapped? How terrible!  
  
Gourry: Yea! We have to go find them and save them!  
  
Shipheel: So, where are you headed?  
  
Zel: To that big castle up there.  
  
Shipheel: To that big castle?   
  
She points at a huge castle with rainbows, and nice flower gardens.  
  
Zel: No, to that castle.  
  
He points at a large castle lighting shoots out of one of the many clouds surrounding the creepy castle. The trees surrounding it are all dead, and a large gate closes off the road leading to the many front steeps.  
  
Gourry: That castle? It's so creepy!  
  
Shipheel: But, I thought…  
  
Zel: Which one of the castles do you think the bad guys would rather hide out in?  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Lina: I want food!  
  
Billy: Well, you're going to have to wait for Billy Bob Joe Jims shift.  
  
Lina: Well, how long will that take?  
  
Billy: Well, Bobs, Joes, and Jims shifts come before his.  
  
Lina: I'm hungry now!  
  
Billy: Well you'll just have to wait.  
  
Lina: You can't just give me a little snack?  
  
Billy: No.  
  
Amelia: Come to think of it, I'm hungry too.  
  
Billy: Well, give it up. You're not getting any food from me.  
  
Filia: Exactly how long do each of these shifts take?  
  
Billy: Hour and a half.  
  
Lina: I can't wait that long!  
  
Billy: You have to.  
  
Amelia: Billy! You are the most inconsiderate person that I have ever meat.  
  
Lina: Stand back Amelia. Darkness beyond twilight, crimson from blood that flows…  
  
Filia: No! Miss Lina don't!  
  
Lina: Buried in the stream of time is where your power grows…  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina, please don't!  
  
They grab her arms, preventing her from casting the spell, and going any further.  
  
Lina: Hey! What's the big idea?  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina, you can't cast spells in here!  
  
Lina: And why not?  
  
Filia: Any spell you use will turn back on you!  
  
Bob: My shift.  
  
Billy: Thank gods!  
  
Lina: Hey Bob?  
  
Bob: Yea?  
  
Lina: Can we have some food?  
  
Bob: Here, have a mint.  
  
Amelia: A mint?  
  
Bob: You can all have one mint.  
  
Lina: You're kidding, right?  
  
Bob: No.  
  
Lina: Can't we have any more?  
  
Bob: No.  
  
Back to the boys, and one girl…  
  
Shipheel: Gourry-dear this is creepy. *clings to his arm*  
  
Chibi Gourry: I like this.  
  
Gourry: But she's not Lina.  
  
Chibi Gourry: Like you're ever going to get with that temper mental sorceress.  
  
Gourry: But…  
  
Chibi Gourry: Do you want to spend the rest of your life getting fireballed?  
  
Gourry: No, but…  
  
Zel: Gourry? Who are you talking to?  
  
Shipheel: *Quickly grabs the chibi Gourry and puts it with the others*  
  
Gourry: Oh, no one… *Goes to squash the chibi only to find it's not there*  
  
Chibi Zelgadiss: I don't see how Lina puts up with him, he's so dim!  
  
Chibi Shipheel: Don't be mean to Gourry-sama!  
  
Zel: Gourry-sama? *looks at Shipheel oddly*  
  
Shipheel: *laughs nervously*  
  
Gourry: What?  
  
Zel: Oh, nothing… Does anyone beside me wonder why we haven't run into any one yet? Or came across any traps?  
  
Gourry: It is kinda odd…  
  
Xelloss: *appears* That's because you're all in the wrong castle.  
  
Zel: What?  
  
Xelloss: Lina and the others are in the other castle.  
  
Zel: How'd you know that?  
  
Xelloss: I always know where she is.  
  
Gourry: But how?  
  
Xelloss: The talismans I gave her.  
  
Zel: Why didn't you tell us that we were in the wrong castle sooner?  
  
Xelloss: I had business to attend to.  
  
Gourry: Guys, Shipheel's gone.  
  
Zel: Oh no! They got her too. *turns and glares at Xelloss*  
  
Xelloss: What? Oh, you think I did this don't you?  
  
Gourry: Well… You appear and Shipheel disappears…  
  
Xelloss: This is the thanks I get for trying to help?  
  
Zel: Help whom?  
  
  
  



	9. The Next Chapter!

  
Lina: Hey, Joe?  
  
Joe: Yea?  
  
Lina: Can I have some food?  
  
Joe: Here, have a stick of gum.  
  
Lina: A stick of gum?  
  
Joe: You all can have a piece.  
  
Lina: A piece?  
  
Joe: Yeah.  
  
Lina: Oh, I give up!  
  
Joe: Do you want the piece of gum or not?  
  
Lina: Yea, yea, yea…  
  
They all take pieces of gum.  
  
Lina: Oh, there's something I've been meaning to ask you…  
  
Joe: Yea?  
  
Lina: Is Xelloss helping you all in anyway?  
  
Filia: I knew it! I should have killed him from the start!  
  
Joe: Calm down. I don't know anyone by the name of Xelloss.  
  
Jim: My shift.  
  
Joe: Hey Jim?  
  
Jim: Yea?  
  
Joe: Do you know anyone by the name of Xelloss?  
  
Jim: Well, I'm new here and I don't know everybody's name yet…  
  
Lina: You don't know everybody's name yet? HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW?!? EVEN I KNOW EVERYBODY'S NAME! IT'S NOT THAT HARD!!!!  
  
Amelia: Yea. It isn't that complicated.  
  
Jim: I don't know ok? I'm not that good with names.  
  
Filia: Understatement of the year award goes to… Jim!  
  
Amelia: Is it just me, or is she acting like Mr. Zelgadiss?  
  
Lina: Don't you know? We caught them making out!  
  
Amelia: Mr. Zelgadiss, and Filia? *Goes into nervous breakdown mode*  
  
Filia: Miss Lina, that isn't helping… Besides YOU SLEPT WITH XELLOSS!  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina how could you? *Goes on and on*  
  
Lina: Now, now, it's not what it sounds like. Really!  
  
The guys drag in Shipheel. While Lina and Co. are getting to know how Shipheel ended up here, the guys are…  
  
Xelloss: I can't believe it! Oh, I see, you're just jealous because you wanted Lina-chan all for your self.  
  
Zel: That is totally untrue!  
  
Gourry: Hey! Don't kidnap me; I'm not a girl!  
  
Bad Guy Masked Dude: My bad. *Leaves waving an apologetic hand*  
  
Xelloss: Gourry! Stop him!  
  
Gourry: Why?  
  
Zel: He knows where Filia and Lina are!  
  
Xelloss: Since when did Filia EVER come before Lina-chan?  
  
Gourry: Guys, he's getting away…  
  
Zel: I know, you're trying to stall!  
  
Xelloss: Come on. *Drags Zel after the Bad Guy Masked Dude*  
  
Zel: Hey! Let go of me!  
  
While our argumentative heroes followed the ever-elusive Bad Guy Masked Dude, let's check up on are damsels in distress…  
  
Lina: I AM NOT A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS!  
  
Well, you've been one before!  
  
Lina: Yea! I got called a short little kid with a flat chest!  
  
Get over it!  
  
Shipheel: I can't wait for Gourry dear to run in and save me! *In Shipheel vision, Gourry has swept her off her feet and is surrounded by roses. *  
  
Filia: And Zelgadiss me. *Same thing as above only Zel holding Filia*  
  
Lina: *in fake voice, kawaii eyes* And Xelloss me.  
  
Xelloss: *makes an entrance with the other two, doing his hero impression* Glad you feel that way Lina.  
  
The two love sick puppies swoon, leaving Lina gagging.  
  
Amelia: Hey! Who do I end up with?  
  
Shut up, I'm working on it! The guys fight off the bad guys with no trouble at all.  
  
Shipheel: Go Gourry!  
  
Filia: Go Zelgadiss!  
  
Lina: Go bad guys!  
  
Xelloss: *pouts* Oh, Lina you don't really mean that do you? *All the while dodging all the bad guy's assaults*  
  
Amelia: I wanted to be with Mr. Zelgadiss!  
  
After a short fight the guys free the women.  
  
Zel: *picks up Filia, more like sweeps her off her feet* Are you ok?  
  
Filia: *Flash back to the rose scene* Yea, I think so…  
  
Gourry: *Picks up Amelia* Are you ok?  
  
Shipheel: What?!?  
  
Amelia: *Gets all starry eyed* Oh, Mr. Gourry!  
  
Lina: Humph! *Eyes the couples jealously*  
  
Xelloss: *Picks up Boss* Who are you working for?  
  
Masked Lady: You need ask?  
  
Billy Bob Joe Jim: Miss Shipheel?  
  
Shipheel: Yes?  
  
Billy Bob Joe Jim: Umm, I don't know how to say this… Umm… Will you go out with me?  
  
Shipheel: *takes one long last pathetic look at Gourry* Yes, let's go.  
  
Billy Bob Joe Jim: *Sweeps her off her feet*  
  
Lina: This is just great. *Eyes Shipheel and Billy Bob Joe Jim*  
  
Masked Lady: Hello? Pay attention to meeeee!  
  
Masked Lady 2: OH HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO!  
  
Lina: I know that laugh!  
  
Masked Lady 2: You are right Lina! It is I Naga, the great white serpent! *rips off her mask*  
  
Masked Lady: What about me?  
  
Amelia: Gracia? Is that you?  
  
Naga: No, I am Naga! Naga the serpent! Naga…  
  
Lina: Her name's Naga and she's a pain in the…  
  
Filia: SHE'S NOT SWEARING!!  
  
Masked Lady: Wow, you're still really small aren't you Lina?  
  
Naga: Yea, you haven't grown much since you were twelve?  
  
Masked Lady: *stuck up laugh*  
  
Lina: I know that stuck up laugh!  
  
Zel: Isn't it odd she identifies people by their laugh?  
  
Filia: Well, with laughs like those…  
  
Masked Lady: It is I Martina…  
  
Lina: Don't start on your name!  
  
Naga: OH, HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO!  
  
Lina: Don't tell me. Don't tell me you two clowns are/were behind all this!  
  
Martina: Well, Zelgandis did help a little…  
  
Zelgandis: Gourry, I challenge you to a duel!  
  
Lina: *mumbling*  
  
Xelloss: Um, Lina-chan?  
  
Lina: LET THE FOOLS WHO STAND BEFORE ME BE DESTROYED BY THE POWER YOU AND I POSSESS! DRAGON SLAVE!!!!  
  
Martina: Lina, that wasn't fair!  
  
Naga: Anyone have a bottle of brandy?  
  
Lina: DRAGON SLAVE!!!  
  
Xelloss: Now Lina…  
  
Lina: DRAGON SLAVE!!!  
  
Xelloss: Owww, ow!  
  
Lina: Any one else adding anything?  
  
Zelgandis: I didn't get to have my duel!  
  
Lina: DRAGON SLAVE!!!!  
  
Zelgadiss: Lina, please!  
  
Lina: DRAGON SLAVE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Xelloss comes around the back of Lina and grabs her around the waist.  
  
Lina: Solar Plexus, insteps, something or the other *punches him unmercifully*, groin!  
  
Xelloss: *rolling around on the ground, moaning*  
  
Lina: Ray Wing! *flies off into the sunset*  
  
Zel: Filia, are you ok?  
  
Filia: Yea, I think so…  
  
Zel: Tea?  
  
Filia: Thank you.  
  
Shipheel: *slipped away from the crazies when things were exploding*  
  
Billy Bob Joe Jim: *Slipped away with her*  
  
Gourry: Amelia, are you ok?  
  
Amelia: Yes. Thank you Mr. Gourry!  
  
Xelloss: Fazed out.  
  
Lina finally had to stop and rest. She chose the inn closest to her location.   
  
Lina: Room for…  
  
Xelloss: *fazed in* 2 please.  
  
Lina: Xelloss, what are you doing here?  



	10. The Last Chapter!

Xelloss: Oh, nothing.  
  
Innkeeper: Ok, room 201, that will be 2000 gold pieces.  
  
Lina grabbed the key and ran to the top of the stairs.  
  
Lina's Voice: Oh, Xelloss. Be a dear and get the bill!  
  
Xelloss: 2000 gold pieces?  
  
Innkeeper: That's right!  
  
Xelloss: *pays the man and heads up to the room*  
  
After some, um, lots of grumbling… And arguing through the door…  
  
Xelloss: Please let me in the room Lina.  
  
Lina: No.  
  
Xelloss: But I paid for it.  
  
Lina: Thank you.  
  
Xelloss sighed. He knew he wasn't going to get in by talking. So…  
  
Xelloss: *fazes in*  
  
Lina: HEY! YOU STUPID JERK! WHAT IN THE NINE HELLS DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!!!  
  
Xelloss: I paid for the room Lina. Now I'm going to sleep in it.  
  
Lina: Oh, no you're not.  
  
Xelloss: Yes I am.  
  
Lina: No.  
  
Xelloss: Yes.  
  
And so on, and so forth…  
  
Lina: I'm getting tired of this. At lest leave so I can change.  
  
Xelloss: Fine. *Fazes out*  
  
2 hours later…  
  
Xelloss: Lina, can I come in yet?  
  
Lina: No.  
  
Xelloss: Lina!  
  
Lina: I can't believe you pulled a stunt like that!  
  
Xelloss: *Fazes in* What stunt?  
  
Lina: YOU WALKED IN ON ME YOU MORON!!! FIREBALL!  
  
Xelloss: *easily doges it* Oh, Lina. That wasn't a stunt. *Kisses her full on the lips* That is a stunt! *laughs, then fazes out*  
  
Lina: *Turns bright red*  
  
Lina finally gets to sleep, but it isn't very restful…  
  
LINA'S DREAM:  
  
Lina is about ready to take a bath. She has her bathrobe up and her hair pinned. She steps into the bathroom…  
  
Xelloss: Hello!  
  
END OF LINA'S DREAM.  
  
Lina: *wakes up* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Xelloss: *fazes in* Oh, I thought it was a good dream!  
  
Lina: HENTAI!!!!!!! DRAGON SLAVE!!!  
  
Xelloss: *fazes back in* Lina, your aim is getting really bad!  
  
The two 'love birds' running off in to the sunset, the fierce red head shouting "fireball" while the purple haired priest skillfully doges the monstrous balls of flaming hot fire.  
  
  
  
A/N: I bet most of you are disappointed. I mean, how could I end the story like that?!? Don't worry. There's an alternative ending, but only if you review enough. Now be a good little reader and review.  



	11. The beginning of the end (alternate endi...

Xelloss: Oh, nothing.  
  
Innkeeper: Ok, room 201, that will be 2000 gold pieces.  
  
Lina grabbed the key and ran to the top of the stairs.  
  
Lina's Voice: Oh, Xelloss. Be a dear and get the bill!  
  
Xelloss: 2000 gold pieces?  
  
Innkeeper: That's right!  
  
Xelloss: *pays the man and heads up to the room*  
  
After some, um, lots of grumbling… And arguing through the door…  
  
Xelloss: Please let me in the room Lina.  
  
Lina: No.  
  
Xelloss: But I paid for it.  
  
Lina: Thank you.  
  
Xelloss sighed. He knew he wasn't going to get in by talking. So…  
  
Xelloss: *fazes in*  
  
Lina: HEY! YOU STUPID JERK! WHAT IN THE NINE HELLS DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!!!  
  
Xelloss: I paid for the room Lina. Now I'm going to sleep in it.  
  
Lina: Oh, no you're not.  
  
Xelloss: Yes I am.  
  
Lina: No.  
  
Xelloss: Yes.  
  
And so on, and so forth…  
  
Lina: I'm getting tired of this. At lest leave so I can change.  
  
Xelloss: Fine. *Fazes out*  
  
2 hours later…  
  
Xelloss: Lina, can I come in yet?  
  
Lina: No.  
  
Xelloss: Lina!  
  
Lina: I can't believe you pulled a stunt like that!  
  
Xelloss: *Fazes in* What stunt?  
  
Lina: YOU WALKED IN ON ME YOU MORON!!! FIREBALL!  
  
Xelloss: *easily doges it* Oh, Lina. That wasn't a stunt. *Kisses her full on the lips* That is a stunt! *laughs, then fazes out*  
  
Lina: *Turns bright red*  
  
Lina finally gets to sleep, but it isn't very restful…  
  
LINA'S DREAM:  
  
Lina is about ready to take a bath. She has her bathrobe up and her hair pinned. She steps into the bathroom…  
  
Xelloss: Hello!  
  
END OF LINA'S DREAM.  
  
Lina: *wakes up* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Xelloss: *fazes in* Oh, I thought it was a good dream!  
  
Lina: HENTAI!!!!!!! DRAGON SLAVE!!!  
  
Xelloss: *fazes back in* Lina, your aim is getting really bad!  
  
Lina: Xelloss come back here!  
  
Xelloss: What? It was a good dream!  
  
Lina: *eyes narrow* DRAGON SALVE!!!!  
  
Time elapses…  
  
Xelloss: *burnt to a crisp* Owwwwww… Lina-chan that wasn't fair!  
  
Lina: You deserved it.  
  
Xelloss: Now I need a bath.  
  
Lina: Fireball!  
  
Xelloss: Owwwww… I wasn't thinking about that! But that is a good idea…  
  
Lina: *evil look* I know how to take care of you…  
  
Xelloss: Uh oh.  
  
Lina: *mumble, mumble, mumble*   
  
Xelloss: *looks really scared* Um, Lina?  
  
Lina: *mumble, mumble, mumble*  
  
Xelloss pulls her into a deep passionate kiss. Of course that's pretty much the only thing he could do. When he pulls away…  
  
Lina: *looks at him oddly, then blushes* Ragna Blade!  
  
Xelloss's eyes widen with terror and he fazes out.  
  
Lina: STAY OUT OF MY DREAMS UNLESS YOU WANT THIS SHOVED RIGHT UP YOUR…  
  
Xelloss: *fazes back in, then tickles her from behind* My what Lina?  
  
Lina: Ahhhh! *looses her concentration and the blade* Don't do that!  
  
Xelloss: I didn't know you were ticklish.  
  
Lina: I'm not.  
  
Xelloss: *tickles her*   
  
Lina: AHHHH, AHHHHHHHH, AHHHHHHH! Stop it. *giggle, scream, giggle, giggle, giggle* Xelloss *giggle* stop *giggle* Xel- *giggle*   
  
Xelloss: *pushes her into the room* What Lina?  
  
Lina: AHHHHH! *giggle, giggle, giggle* Xel- *giggle* oss! *giggle, giggle, giggle*  
  
Xelloss: *pushes her onto the bed* I thought you weren't ticklish.  
  
Lina: *giggle, giggle, giggle* Xel- *giggle* I *giggle* Xel- *giggle, giggle, giggle*  
  
Xelloss: *climbs on top of her* What Lina?  
  
Lina: *giggle* S- *giggle* top! *giggle, giggle, giggle* Xel! *giggle.*  
  
Xelloss: *stops and looks down to her* But you lieded.  
  
Lina: Lieded? Is that even a word?  
  
Xelloss: *sad puppy-dog thing*  
  
Lina: Hey! That's mine!  
  
Xelloss: What's yours?  
  
Lina: That face you're making!  
  
Xelloss: *goes back to normal* what face?  
  
Lina: Urrrrrr…  
  
Xelloss: *cocks head cutely*  
  
Lina: Oh, get offa me!  
  
Xelloss: *deep sexy voice* Is that what you really want?  
  
Lina: What the Hell?  
  
Xelloss: *deep sexy voice* I asked you if that was what you really wanted.  
  
Lina: No, the voice thing.  
  
Xelloss: *deep sexy voice* You like it?  
  
Lina: Well, sorta.  
  
Xelloss leans down for another kiss when…  
  
  



	12. The second chapter of the alternate saga

Xelas: Oh Xelloss! I need you to do something.  
  
Xelloss: But…  
  
Lina: But…  
  
Xelas: But nothing. *grabs Xelloss by the ear*   
  
Xelloss: Ouch, ouch, ouch…  
  
Xelas: Your going home mister.  
  
Lina: What in the…  
  
Xelloss: But…  
  
Xelas: Now, what did I say about saying but to me?  
  
They both faze out.  
  
Lina: o.O  
  
Martina: Ha, ha ha ha! I am Martina the magnificent!  
  
Naga: Oh Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho… h- *cough, cough, hack, cough, fall over dead*  
  
Lina: YEA!!! One down, one to go.  
  
Martina: You'll never get rid of me Lina. I am brilliant!  
  
Lina: *sarcastically* Really.  
  
Martina: It was I who thought up that magnificent plan to get rid of all of you, so I could have all the men to my self! Mwahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Lina: That was you?   
  
Martina: Yes, it was.  
  
Naga: Hey, it was my idea too.  
  
Lina: But you're dead!  
  
Naga: Oh, yea… *Falls over dramatically, five minutes later she finally dies*  
  
Lina: But Martina, you're already married!  
  
Martina: So?  
  
Zelgandus: Yes my sweet, you are married to me.  
  
Martina: Oh yea. I forgot sweetums.  
  
Lina: *gagging noises*  
  
Zelgandus: You must never forget because…  
  
Martina: Yes darling?  
  
Lina: Please LON, don't make this go on…  
  
LON: Ok, but only of you stop rhyming my name, that is very lame.  
  
Lina: But you…  
  
LON: Shhhh. Watch. *Gestures to Martina and Zel, then dissapears*  
  
Zelgandus: Ummmm…  
  
Marina: What dear?  
  
Zelgandus: I forgot.  
  
Martina: *Pounds him with a giant mallet she got from Nowhere*   
  
Lina: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…  
  
Martina: I wouldn't be laughing Lina.  
  
Lina: But it's funny!  
  
Martina: No, it's not.  
  
Lina: Yes it is. *looks over at a flat Zelgandis, begins laughing again*  
  
Martina: You wouldn't be laughing if I told everybody that Xelloss was on top of you and that you are ticklish.  
  
Lina: *stops laughing* No, if you did that I would kill you.  
  
Martina: You couldn't kill me if you tried.  
  
Lina: Wanna bet?  
  
Martina: Yeeeeeeeenoo.  
  
Lina: You sure? *evil snake thing*  
  
Martina: Ahhhhh Zelgandus help! She's trying to kill me again!!! *Martina leaves dragging a pancake-like Zelgandus as far away as possible*  
  
Lina: YEA! SHE'S GONE!!! *does a little jig to celebrate*  
  
Xelloss: *fazes in* o.O Lina? Are you celebrating my leaving?  
  
Lina: o.O Ummm…. No. You're not a she, are you?  
  
Xelloss: Do you want me to be a she?  
  
Lina: NO!!  
  
Xelloss: We're you talking to yourself again?  
  
Lina: I didn't know you were here!  
  
Xelloss: Sure.  
  
Lina: Oh, shut up!  
  
Xelloss: I'll tickle you.  
  
Lina: Don't you dare!  
  
Xelloss: *cocks head* What will you do to me?  
  
Lina: Umm…  
  
Xelloss: *starts singing the tune to Jeopardy! *  
  
Lina: I'll bring Naga back from the dead and make her sing to you.  
  
Xelloss: Yea! This should be fun!  
  
Lina: o.O  
  
Xelloss: I like pain, remember?  
  
Lina: I'll bring Martina and she'll droll all over you again!  
  
Xelloss: You wouldn't!  
  
Lina: *evil snake thing* Yes I would.  
  
Xelloss: *considers if it's worth it, approaches with an evil grin*  
  
Lina: NOOOOOOO!! *Begins running around the room screaming*  
  
Xelloss: *teleports, garbs her from behind and drags her to the bed*  
  
Lina: *puppy dog eyes* Please, don't.  
  
Xelloss: I love being evil! *throws her to the bed and straddles her*  
  
Lina: Xelloss!  
  
Xelloss: *begins tickling her*  
  
Lina: *giggle, giggle, laugh, cough, cough, cough*  
  
Xelloss: *helps her up* are you ok?  
  
Lina: Yea, I just choked on my gum. *cough, cough, cough*  
  
Xelloss: *Stares*  
  
Lina: *pounds him with a giant mallet* Don't *cough* just stand there… *cough, cough* get me some water you… *cough* Baca!  
  
Flattened Xelloss: *fazes out*  
  
Lina: *runs to open the window* Damn! It's locked. I know… Flare Arrow!  
  
Xelloss: *fazes in* Shame on you Lina! Trying to escape.  
  
Lina: *yanks the window open, and jumps out*  
  
Xelloss: *gets yanked out the window*  
  
Lina: *turns around* What the? Xelloss?  
  
Xelloss: You can't escape me!  
  
Lina: But how did you?  
  
Xelloss: Invisible Chinese finger trap!  
  
Lina: Not those again!  
  
Xelloss: ^_^   
  
Lina: How do you get the stupid thing off?  
  
Xelloss: That's a secret!  
  
Lina: Tell me or I'll… *puts hands in position for a fireball*  
  
Xelloss: You can't cast spells.  
  
Lina: *pauses* Why not?  
  
Xelloss: If you fry me, you'll fry yourself!  
  
Lina: I don't think so.  
  
Xelloss: *pulls out the big book o' stuff* See, it says so right here! *points to a page*  
  
Lina: Lemme see that! *yanks the book out of his hands*  
  
Xelloss: ^_^  
  
Lina: *mumble, mumble, mumble* No way! *flips the book to the cover*  
  
Book: Written and illustrated by: Xelloss Matellium.  
  
Lina: *pounds him over the head with it* You stupid loser! You wrote this!  
  
Xelloss: ^_^  
  
Lina: *stops* I forgot, you like pain.  
  
Xelloss: ^_^  
  
Lina: Hey! *waves her hand up and down* There's no invisible finger trap!  
  
Xelloss: Yes there is, it's just long.  
  
Lina: Yea, right! *takes off*  
  
Xelloss: *waits one second, gets pulled along*  
  
Lina: *stops, pant, pant, pant* Huh?  
  
Xelloss: ^_^  
  
Lina: XELLOSS HOW IN THE NINE HELLS DO YOU GET THIS DAMNED THING OFF?!?!  
  
Xelloss: With an invisible saw.  
  
Lina: Yea, right! Really, Xelloss. How do you get it off?  
  
Xelloss: I told you, an invisible saw.  
  
Lina: Ok, so where do I get one of those?  
  
Xelloss: In a galaxy far, far away…  
  
Lina: *whacks him with a fan* I am NOT going to listen to that again.  
  
Xelloss: *whines* But I like that story!  
  
Lina: Tough.   
  
Xelloss: Fine. How about the Garden of Eden?  
  
Lina: Where's that?  
  
Xelloss: *tells the story*  
  
Lina: *pounds him repeatedly with a giant mallet* You…  
  
Xelloss: Well, you could get one there.  
  
Lina: Grrrrr…  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina!  
  
Lina: WHAT!?!  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina there's trouble!  
  
Lina: What kind of trouble Amelia?  
  
  



	13. Chapter 13 of the never ending story.

Amelia: Zelgadiss is im…  
  
Lina: WHAT!!!!????  
  
Amelia: Important in my life.  
  
Lina: -_-;;;;;;  
  
Xelloss: Oh. I thought you were going to say something else.  
  
Lina: *smacks him*  
  
Amelia: What?  
  
Lina: Nothing.  
  
Xelloss: Well I thought you were going to say imp…  
  
Lina: *smacks him again* Don't say it.  
  
Xelloss: *Innocent act* Say what Lina-chan?  
  
Amelia: You guys are scaring me.  
  
Lina: Why is that trouble Amelia?  
  
Amelia: *begins bawling* He's going to get married!  
  
Lina: That's great Amelia. Congrats.  
  
Amelia: *cries harder* It's not to me!  
  
Lina: Really? Then to whom?  
  
Amelia: To, to…  
  
Lina: SPIT IT OUT!  
  
Amelia: To, *hiccup*  
  
Lina: *evilly* Amelia?  
  
Amelia: *hiccup* F… *hiccup*  
  
Lina: Who?  
  
Amelia: Filia! *begins bawling again*  
  
Xelloss: What?  
  
Lina: Huh?  
  
Xelloss: But I thought the couples were *clears throat*: Amelia/Zelgadiss, Filia/Me *gagging sounds*, and Lina/Gourry.  
  
Lina: GOURRY! *runs around screaming*  
  
Xelloss: Hey, I don't like them either.  
  
Amelia: *hiccup* Mr. Zelgadiss told me to *hiccup*  
  
Xelloss: To what?  
  
Amelia: If Miss Lina would SHUT UP!  
  
Lina: Hey!  
  
Amelia: *clears throat* To invite you to the wedding. *begins bawling again*  
  
Lina: That's harsh!  
  
Xelloss: Oh, Ideas!  
  
Lina: *whacks him*  
  
Amelia: Waahhhhhh!!! Wahhhhhhh!!!   
  
Xelloss: So, when's the wedding?  
  
Lina: *Tries to whack him, but the invisible finger trap prevents it. * Damn!  
  
Xelloss: *laughs*   
  
Amelia: o_O Are you guys ok?  
  
Lina: Xelloss stuck an invisible finger trap on me!  
  
Xelloss: No I didn't it's a figment of your imagination.  
  
Lina: Then how come I can't smack you?  
  
Xelloss: You can. You just don't want to.  
  
Lina: LIKE HELL I DON'T!!!! *She smacks him, hard*  
  
Xelloss: *with a red mark on his chin* Lurrinaaa…  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina, I think you broke his jaw!!!  
  
Lina: Well he deserved it.  
  
Amelia: No one deserves a broken jaw, Miss Lina!  
  
Lina: He did. Back to the point, WHY IN THE HELL IS ZEL MARRING FILIA!?!???  
  
Xelloss: *holding his jaw, fazes out*  
  
Amelia: WHAAAAAAH!!!!!  
  
Lina: *sweat drop* Um, Amelia?  
  
Amelia: *sniffle, sniffle* What?  
  
Lina: If you led me to them and distracted Filia, I may be able to talk some sense in to the Baca.  
  
Amelia: OH! Thank YoU! MiSs LiNa!!!!!! *gives her a big hug.*  
  
Lina: o_O Um, yea.  
  
Amelia: *Grabs Lina's wrist.* Let's go!! *takes off dragging Lina*  
  
A/N: I'm sorry it's so short. But you all needed the next chapter, so here it is.   
  



	14. Chapter 14!

Lina: Are we there yet?  
  
Amelia: No.  
  
Lina: Are we there yet?  
  
Amelia: No.  
  
Lina: Are we there yet?  
  
Amelia: No.  
  
Lina: Are we there yet?  
  
Amelia: No.  
  
Lina: Are we there yet?  
  
Amelia: No.  
  
Lina: Are we there yet?  
  
Amelia: No.  
  
Lina: Are we there yet?  
  
Amelia: No.  
  
Lina: Are we there yet?  
  
Amelia: No.  
  
Lina: Are we there yet?  
  
Amelia: No.  
  
Lina: Are we there yet?  
  
Amelia: No.  
  
Lina: Are we there yet?  
  
Xelloss: *fazes in* No.  
  
Lina: Are we…  
  
Xelloss: And if you say "are we there yet" again I'll…  
  
Lina: Yes?  
  
Xelloss: Um, let me think a minute…  
  
Lina: Are we there…  
  
Xelloss: I'll tickle you to death!  
  
Lina: Shutting up now.  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina, I didn't know you were ticklish.  
  
Lina: *blush* I'm not.  
  
Amelia: You're blushing! You-are-lying.  
  
Lina: *blush gets deeper* No I'm not!  
  
Amelia: How, Um… *blush*  
  
Lina: WHAT?  
  
Amelia: How did Mr. Xelloss find this out, if none of the rest of us knew? *Looks back and forth at them a couple of times, blushes, then bows her head*  
  
Lina: *stares at Amelia for a second….* You don't think that I…. *blushes* Amelia?   
  
Amelia: *looks up, foolishly thinking that Miss Lina wasn't mad at her* Miss Li…  
  
Lina: YOU ARE DEAD!!!!!!!!!  
  
Amelia: *lip quivers, then runs for her life, while crying* Miss Lina don't, I mean please, I mean, ididn'tmeananythingbyitijustimean…  
  
Lina: I don't care Amelia, YOU ARE DEAD!!!!  
  
Xelloss: Not yet she's not.  
  
Lina: DRAGONSLAVE!!!!  
  
Xelloss and Amelia: Owwwww….  
  
Lina: Serves you right.  
  
Xelloss: No, it doesn't.  
  
Lina: Are we there yet?  
  
Xelloss: All right. I give up. You just can't keep your big mouth shut can you Lina?  
  
Lina: ?  
  
Xelloss: Come here.  
  
Lina: O.O No, please…  
  
Xelloss: Don't make me chase you.  
  
Lina: *runs screaming* No Xelloss I didn't mean it really. Don't do it. Please! Pleasedon'tticklemeXellosspleaseI'llbegoodreallyplease!!!!  
  
Amelia: Hey, wait up!  
  
Lina: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
Amelia: You don't know the way!  
  
Xelloss leaps through the air, just barely grabbing Lina's foot. She falls flat on her face. He begins to climb on to of her, holding her down while he…  
  
Lina: NOOOOOOO!!! XELLOSS NOOOO!!! PL-EASE DON'T!! NOOOOO!!!!  
  
Amelia: *sees them.* O.O   
  
Lina: *giggle, giggle, giggle* Stop!  
  
Xelloss: *Tickles her faster while sitting harder to keep her from getting up*  
  
Lina: St- *giggle, giggle, giggle* -op!  
  
Xelloss: Why?  
  
Lina: Pl- *Giggle, giggle, giggle* -ea- *giggle, giggle, giggle* -se!  
  
Xelloss: Um, no.  
  
Amelia: -_-;;; Guys…  
  
Lina: *giggle, giggle, giggle* He- *giggle, giggle, giggle* -lp!  
  
Amelia: *sigh* Life is great, life is wonderful…  
  
Xelloss: *stops and jumps off Lina* Ok. Stop. Now.  
  
Amelia: I loooooove life!  
  
Xelloss: *fazes out*  
  
Lina: Thanks Amelia.  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina, can we PLEASE GET A MOVE ON!?!??! 


	15. Just Testing The Waters... (Chapter 15)

Hello all! I'm back to writing. Sorry it's been so long. ^_^v  
  
Val: Yeah, it's only been at least a year.  
  
Shut up Val. Besides… I thought you went home.  
  
Val: It was boring.   
  
Get over it.  
  
Val: Is this story ever going to end.  
  
I hope so… Now back to the story…  
  
Xelloss: *fazes back in* Yes, Lina-chan?  
  
Lina: Give me two rooms please.  
  
Mr. Innkeeperdude: Under two conditions.  
  
Lina: /What/?  
  
Mr. Innkeeperdude: Number 1: You don't blow up my establishment.  
  
Lina: Fine.  
  
Mr. Innkeeperdude: Number 2: You pay for everything.  
  
Lina: Fine. Can we get our rooms now?  
  
Mr. Innkeeperdude: Rooms 3 and 666. But before I give you the keys you have to pay.  
  
Amelia: Rooms 3 and 666. That's odd. Don't you agree Miss Lina?  
  
Lina: At this point I don't really care. I'm tired and want my room.  
  
Xelloss: Lina this is really strange.  
  
Lina: *scary glare* Xellossss… Ameliaaaa…  
  
Amelia: Epppp! Ok Mr. Innkeeperdude. We'll take them. How much?  
  
Mr. Innkeeperdude: 4000 gold pieces.  
  
Lina-tachi: But that all our money!  
  
Mr. Innkeeperdude: Funny how that works, ne?  
  
Amelia: You sound like Mr. Xelloss.  
  
Lina: *Grrrr* JUST PAY HIM ALREADY!!!  
  
The group pays Mr. Innkeeperdude and goes up to their rooms. Except Xelloss. Lina makes him sleep by the door outside her room. Anyways… morning comes and Amelia and Xelloss eat breakfast and talk while Lina sleeps.  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina sure was touchy yesterday wasn't she Mr. Xelloss?  
  
Xelloss: Yes, she was.  
  
Amelia: I wonder what got into her.  
  
Xelloss: Me too.  
  
O.O Wow. That was a really really really short chapter. Oh well. More later. I'm just testing the waters I guess. 


	16. Still Short But Longer Than The Last. (A...

Hello again everyone! Well it's been awhile since I've done one of these:  
Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers… I never will. (Last time I tried to own them I ended up in jail for a month…) Oh, and don't sue. (Bail was expensive.)  
Val: Yeah, like she'd know. I had to pay it! She spent all her money on video games.  
Anyways… Here's the next chapter! (wai!)  
  
Lina walked down the stairs to breakfast.  
  
Lina: (in a better mood) Where's all the FOOOODD???  
  
Amelia: Um, (really scared) Miss Lina…  
  
Lina: Amelia?  
  
Xelloss: ^_^ We can't afford your breakfast.  
  
Lina: WHAT????!!!  
  
Several hours later they escape Mr. Innkeeperdude's "Army That Will Bring Physical Pain To Whom-So-Ever Blows Up My Establishmet" (ATWBPPTWSEBUME).   
  
Lina: I'm hungryyyyyyyyyyy! *whine, whine*  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina will you shut up??!!  
  
Before Lina could kill Amelia ATWBPPTWSEBUME catches up to them. They are now armed with pitchforks.  
  
Xelloss: *dodging pitchforks* Linaaaaaaa…  
  
Lina: Wha… *dodges pitchfork* t do you want now Xelloss?  
  
Xelloss: I found some spare coins in my pocket. You can have breakfast now.  
  
Amelia: *stops dead in her tracks* Mr. Xelloss, you mean to say you had money this whole time?  
  
Lina: *kills ATWBPPTWSEBUME member who's about to kill Amelia*   
  
Xelloss: *hand goes behind head and a sweatdrop appears* Hai.  
  
Lina: *allows another ATWBPPTWSEBUME member to stab Xelloss with pitchfork repeatedly*  
  
Xelloss: *full of /bloody/ pitchfork holes* Itai! Lina-chan! Save me! (You saved Amelia)  
  
Lina: *allows the ATWBPPTWSEBUME member to stab Xelloss a couple more time before she fireballs both of them*  
  
Xelloss: *now crispy* Lina-chaaaaaaan!  
  
Lina: *fireballs him again*  
  
Amelia: Stop flirting! We need to keep going!  
  
Lina & Xelloss: Flirting? *glare*  
  
Lina: *decides she really /can't/ kill her so leaves it alone* Where are we going again?  
  
Amelia: *frustrated* To stop the wedding of Zel-kun and Miss Filia!  
  
Lina: That's funny, see, /I/ thought you were both going to buy me a nice expensive breakfast… *stops* Did you just say Zel-kun?  
  
Amelia: *blush* did I? I don't think so…  
  
Xelloss: Yes you did! See, I got it on tape!  
  
Tape player: (Amelia's voice) -o stop the wedding of Zel-kun an-   
  
Xelloss: See? ^_^  
  
Lina: Wait just a second! If I break up Zel and Filia, Zel would end up with you, and Filia would end up with Xelloss…  
  
Xelloss: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*falls to the ground*  
  
Amelia: Is he ok?  
  
Lina: I think he just passed out from lack of breath. (And how did he pronounce all those exclamation points?!)  
  
Val: Yeah! How did he do that?  
  
Well… How did he pass out from lack of breath? IT JUST HAPPENED!!  
  
Val: O.O You're scary!  
  
Shuddup Val.  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina what are we going to do with him?  
  
Lina: *pokes him with a stick* Hmmm…  
  
ATWBPPTWSEBUME members: Um, excuse us…  
  
Lina: What'd you guys want?  
  
ATWBPPTWSEBUME members: Well, we're supposed to be killing you with our pitchforks…  
  
Amelia: Oh yeah! I remember now!  
  
Lina: Would it work if I let you guys stab him *points to unconscious Xelloss* a couple more times and we just call it even?  
  
ATWBPPTWSEBUME members: Well, our orders were to kill all of you…  
  
Lina: *evil glare* Or I could just kill all of you…  
  
ATWBPPTWSEBUME members: But, I suppose we could settle for that.  
  
Lina: ^_^ Glad we could work this out.  
  
ATWBPPTWSEBUME members: *stab Xelloss until he regains consciousness*  
  
Xelloss: *blinks*   
  
Val: Um, how does he blink??!! He never opens his eyes!  
  
Vaaaaaaaalll? You wanna discuss that with me? *glare*  
  
Val: No! (scaryyyy…)  
  
Xelloss: *gets up* Lina-chan? Why are these people stabbing me?  
  
Lina: Because they wanted to stab someone. Ok ATWBPPTWSEBUME members! That's enough!  
  
ATWBPPTWSEBUME members: Awwwwwww! Just a little longer?  
  
Lina: Ok! ^_^ But you only get five more min.!  
  
Xelloss: Linaaaaa-chan! *teleports behind her, whispering* If you don't make them stop I'll tickle you…  
  
Lina: O.O Um, ATWBPPTWSEBUME members?  
  
ATWBPPTWSEBUME members: What?  
  
Lina: I think that's enough; you can go tell your leader you killed us!  
  
Amelia: But Miss Lina! That's lying!  
  
Lina: *to Amelia* Shaddup!  
  
ATWBPPTWSEBUME members: Yeah, we don't wanna lie…  
  
Lina: Lie or I kill you all.  
  
ATWBPPTWSEBUME members: But I suppose this time it would be ok.  
  
Xelloss: Bye! ^_^  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina?  
  
Lina: OK! First we eat, then we go stop a wedding! (Wait a sec…) 


	17. Cliff-hangers!! (Chapter 17)

Another disclaimer: *game show style* Hello everyone! Welcome to another chapter of the never-ending fanfic created by the almighty Xellina! You lucky people out there have the privilege of reading and reviewing this lovely piece of work! I'd like to take this time to announce something: Xellina, no matter how powerful and almighty does not own the rights to Slayers - nor will she ever! She'd also like to announce that she doesn't claim to, and that she's not making any money by writing this! She also humbly asks the wonderful people who do own Slayers not to sue her.  
  
After a long…  
  
Val: *grumbles* not to mention expensive…  
  
*whacks Val* meal the beautiful sorcery genius Lina Inverse leaned back in her chair and thought over the task before her.  
  
Lina: *frowning* (I want Amelia to be happy, but I want Zel to be too… And of course Filia… I don't know, I suppose I could talk to Zel, but I don't know what good that would do. I don't want Zel thinking that I don't want him to get married…)  
  
Xelloss: *teleports into Lina's lap*  
  
Lina: *falls backwards, her balance thrown off*  
  
Xelloss: *falls on top of her*  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina! Mr. Xelloss! Are you two ok?  
  
Lina: *shoves Xelloss off of her* Xelloss! What the Hell do you think you're doing??!!  
  
Xelloss: *stands up* Well, you just looked so thoughtful, and well I thought…  
  
Lina: You thought what??!!  
  
Xelloss: ^_^ That you might hurt yourself! So I stopped you! ^_^  
  
Lina: *evil face, evil voice* Really?  
  
Amelia: *annoying nervous giggle* Now, now Miss Lina…  
  
Xelloss: *looks out a window* Wow, dark already…  
  
Amelia and Lina: WHAT??????!!  
  
Lina: Well, looks like we need a place to stay…  
  
But, as the trio looks around the town all the Inns are full…  
  
Lina: Damn-it!!! Now what are we supposed to do??  
  
Amelia: Looks like we'll be camping out Miss Lina.  
  
Lina: *whining* But it's cooooold!  
  
Xelloss: *leer, leer* We could fix that you know…  
  
Val: WAIT A MINUTE!!!  
  
What now Val?  
  
Val: How can Xelloss leer with his eyes closed?  
  
Well, if you think about it long enough I'm sure you could come up with something…  
  
Lina: *promptly facefalts*  
  
Xelloss: ^_^ I'll take that as a yes! *like a school girl* Yayyyyyy! I'm soooo Haaaaapyyyyyy!!  
  
Amelia: *twitch, twitch* Mr. Xelloss…?  
  
Lina: *whacks Xelloss sending him face first into a tree, a bee hive falls on his head and he runs screaming off into the sun-set, once he disappears from sight…*... *sigh*  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina…?  
  
Lina: Hmmmmm…?  
  
Amelia: *nervous* w-w-w-we sh-should probably s-s-set up c-c-camp n-now.  
  
Lina: *snaps out of it* What are you stuttering about Amelia? I swear…  
  
Lina and Amelia each set up a tent and Amelia starts a fire while Lina searches for food.  
  
Val: even though she just got done with breakfast?  
  
Yeah.   
  
Time passes… Amelia had a decent fire going and Lina had eaten all the food she brought back with her.   
  
Val: I know where this is going.  
  
No you don't.  
  
Amelia: *staring into the fire* Miss Lina?  
  
Lina: *staring into the fire* Hmmm?  
  
Amelia: *yawn* I'm tired, I'm going to bed.  
  
Lina: Ok.  
  
Amelia: Do we need a watch tonight?  
  
Lina: I'll wake you up if I get tired.  
  
Amelia: Ok. *goes into tent*  
  
Lina: (What am I going to do?)  
  
The bushes rustle mysteriously…  
  
Lina: What? Who's there?!  
  
Another rustle is her only reply.  
  
Lina: Hey! I said who's there??!  
  
Again, another rustle.  
  
Lina: *stands up and faces the bush but doesn't move*  
  
Total silence.  
  
Lina: For the LAST TIME, who is it???!!!  
  
The bushes rustled quietly, but not quietly enough. Lina just barely heard them.  
  
Lina: *realizes that the bushes are near Amelia's tent* Amelia!!!!!!! Amelia! Get up!  
  
Amelia: *wasn't asleep and hears the tension in Lina's voice* W-w-what…?  
  
Lina: Amelia, get out of the tent.  
  
Amelia: *scared* Miss Lina?  
  
Lina: Damn it! AMELIA MOVE YOUR ASS!  
  
Amelia: *runs out and away from the tent*  
  
Lina: LAST CHANCE PAL! TELL US WHO YOU ARE OR ELSE!  
  
Voice: Linaaaaaaaaa…  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Val: You're evil.  
  
You just noticed?  
  
Zel: Are you sure this tux looks ok? It doesn't feel right.  
  
Tailor: Wel,l Sir, if it doesn't feel right it isn't right for you. Let's take your measurements again.  
  
In the shop next-door…  
  
Filia: Ohhhhhhhhh! I just love this dress!  
  
Salesperson: Um, Mam?  
  
Filia: Yes?  
  
Salesperson: Isn't this dress for a wedding?  
  
Filia: Yes…  
  
Salesperson: Wouldn't it be, well, better if the dress was white?  
  
Filia: Yes, I suppose you're correct. Pink just doesn't suit a wedding. *sigh*  
  
Salesperson: Let me see if I have that style in white.  
  
Filia: *sigh* (I can't believe I'm getting married!)  
  
A/N: Hello again everyone! I'd just like to take a little time to tell you that this fic will end. I've already got an ending planed! (Wow, it's not like me to plan things…) I also would like you to know that I will do a sequel or another alternate ending if enough people review. But, if I don't then I'll start another series. I've seen every Slayers tape and well, I watch other anime too. I may want to start another series. (But then I may just write a few crossovers…) Ah, well. You can tell me what to do in your reviews! ^_^ Oh, and on a side note… I'm sorry Crash King. I cannot allow you to marry Zel in my fic. *Idea* (But maybe if you paid me a large sum of money… j/k! But, I accept all major credit cards and personal checks are ok! Don't sue… I'm joking!) Sorry it's so short everyone. More later (I just wanted to end it on a cliff-hanger…).  
  
Val: And please feel free to flame her for her /short/ author's note.  
  
*Bashes Val*  
  
Val: Itaiiiiiiii!!  
  
Strange announcer: Just who is in the bushes? Are Zel and Filia really going to get married? Did the authoress give Val a concussion? Will the authoress be sued for all the copyright infringements? Will this story ever end? Tune in next time to find out! Same bat time, same bat channel.  
  
Val: *rubbing head* That was baaaaaaad… 


	18. Random Character Bashing! (Chapter 18)

Great Val. Thanks to you I got flamed for my /short/ author's note. And my disclaimer!  
  
Val: It's your own fault for trying to hide how short your chapters are.  
  
Say anything else and I'll give you another concussion.   
  
Val: You should have paid for /that/ hospital bill…  
  
Anyways, back to the story! (Before I get flamed again)  
  
Voice: Linaaaaaaa…  
  
Lina: Wh- *recognizes voice* Gourry?!  
  
Amelia: Mr. Gourry?  
  
Gourry's Voice: Uhhhhh…  
  
Lina and Amelia: *run over to the bushes*  
  
What they see when they pull apart the bushes is a skeleton wearing Gourry's armor.  
  
Amelia: Mr. Gourry! Are you ok? *worry, worry*  
  
Lina: Geez Gourry. You should have eaten sooner! *throws him a fish*  
  
Val: Hey! Where'd the fish come from?  
  
Lina: *bashes Val with a fish*  
  
Thank you Lina! ^_^  
  
Lina: No problem!  
  
You'll get a reward for that.  
  
Lina: Yay!!  
  
Gourry: *back to normal* Hey, Lina! Who are you talking to?  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina do you feel all right?  
  
Lina: Huh? Oh. (forgot they couldn't see the authoress and Val)  
  
Gourry: Hey, Lina?  
  
Lina: What?  
  
Gourry: There was something I was suppose to tell you.  
  
Lina: What was it?  
  
Gourry: He told me to tell you too Amelia.  
  
Amelia: Who?  
  
Gourry: Ummmmm…  
  
Lina: What is it Gourry?  
  
Gourry: ummmmm….  
  
Amelia: Who sent you?  
  
Gourry: *holds finger up* I forgot.  
  
Val: *hiding behind a tree* I saw that one coming. *chewing on fish bone* Question.  
  
What??  
  
Val: Why can Lina see us if the others can't.  
  
Because Lina wouldn't agree to show up in the fic otherwise.  
  
Val: Wait? We agreed to show up?  
  
Anyways…  
  
Val: Hey!  
  
Back in town…  
  
Val: You're ignoring me!  
  
Zel and Filia had just finished shopping and were sitting next to each other on a bench near a fountain.  
  
Val: When did I agree to show up?  
  
Zel: *sigh* They should be here by now.  
  
Filia: Who did you send out to get them?  
  
Zel: Gourry.  
  
Filia: *spiky hair* You sent Gourry?!  
  
Zel: Well, whom else was I supposed to send?  
  
Filia: Well, you could have sent Billy Bob Joe Jim, or Shipheel.  
  
Zel: Only in hindsight…  
  
Back at the camp…  
  
Val: I'm going to sue.  
  
You can't.  
  
Val: And why not?  
  
Because you're made up.  
  
Val: Sure, bring /that/ into this.  
  
Screaming Fangirls: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!  
  
Val and Authoress: o.O  
  
Gourry: Did you hear something?  
  
Lina: *whack* Don't change the subject!  
  
Amelia: Um, Miss Lina. I don't think he could if he wanted to.  
  
Lina: *looks at Gourry*  
  
Gourry: *drool*  
  
Lina: *sigh* You're right Amelia.  
  
Amelia: *starry eyed* I'm right?? *glomps Lina* Miss Lina you've never said that to me! *happy, stars, pastel, bubbles*  
  
Lina: o.O Amelia?  
  
Amelia: *flowers, sparkles*  
  
Lina: GETTHEHELLOFFOFMEYOU'RESCARINGTHECRAPOUTTAME!!  
  
Val: *pouts* That could have been…  
  
*whacks Val*  
  
Val: Itai!! What was that for! *rubs head*  
  
You know what that was for! *mumbles* Geez, teenagers are so perverted.  
  
Val: Look who's talking!!  
  
*whacks Val*  
  
Val: Somebody call an ambulance…  
  
Screaming Fangirls: *attack authoress and tend to "poor" Val's wounds*  
  
This is going nowhere… *doges random objects* Stop it or I'll send Val away!  
  
Screaming Fangirls: *glare at authoress and tend to "poor" Val's wounds*  
  
-_-v Back to the story…  
  
Xelloss: Amelia! Get off of MY Lina-chan at once!  
  
Amelia: Who said she's yours?  
  
Xelloss: *Kisses Lina passionately*  
  
Lina: o.o  
  
Xelloss: Try doing that without getting pounded!  
  
Amelia: *cries, loud and annoyingly*   
  
Xelloss: Lina-chan is MINE!  
  
Lina: *wakes up screaming* O.O That… was… the… WORST nightmare!  
  
Xelloss: *sitting next to her* I don't know. I kind of liked it.  
  
Lina: Xelloss! When, where…?  
  
Xelloss: When I came into camp you were asleep. So I decided to keep watch for you. But that was boring. Sooo…  
  
Lina: *glare* You crept into my head and spied on my dream.  
  
Xelloss: ^_^  
  
Lina: When did I fall asleep?  
  
Xelloss: Right before you heard something in the bushes. That was part of your dream.  
  
Lina: *points at Gourry* Then why is he here?  
  
Xelloss: I don't know.  
  
Gourry: I came to protect you Lina.  
  
Lina: I DON'T NEED PROTECTION!!  
  
Xelloss: Well, do you need a *whisper, whisper*  
  
Lina: *blush, pounds Xelloss*   
  
Xelloss: *peels fish out of the fish-shaped-indent on his face* No reply? *nibble, nibble*  
  
Lina: O.O You're eating a raw fish!  
  
Xelloss: ^_~ *whisper, whisper*   
  
Lina: _ 


	19. What? Another Update? So short!

Amelia: *wipes eyes, smiles* N-nothing, Mr. Gourry. What did he say?  
  
Background Lina: Noooooooo! Xelloss!  
  
Background Xelloss: Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! I'll get you my Lina-chan!  
  
Gourry: Ummmmmm. Well, Amelia?  
  
Amelia: *crying* It's about the wedding, right?  
  
Gourry: You sure you're ok?  
  
Background Lina: I am not your Lina-chan!  
  
Background Xelloss: got ya!  
  
Background Lina: S- *giggle* top! *giggle, giggle*  
  
Amelia: *wipes eyes again* I'm fine Mr. Gourry. It's just my allergies.  
  
Gourry: I didn't know you had allergies!  
  
Amelia: Just tell me the message Mr. Gourry, please?  
  
Gourry: *looks back to Lina and Xelloss* O.O What are they doing??!  
  
Amelia: *looks back* o.O Miss Lina? Mr. Xelloss?  
  
Xelloss: *has Lina pined down between his legs and is tickling her mercilessly*  
  
Lina: *is trying to tell him to stop between giggles*  
  
Amelia: o.O  
  
Gourry: O.O  
  
Amelia: o.O And this isn't the first time they've done this.  
  
Gourry: Is he trying to kill her?  
  
Amelia: I don't know, Mr. Gourry.  
  
Gourry: Should we try to stop them?  
  
Amelia: .. You said you had a message for me?  
  
Gourry: Yeah.  
  
Back in town.  
  
Zel: They should be here soon.  
  
Filia: You sent Gourry. Who knows when they'll be here?!  
  
Zel: Billy Bob Joe Jim?  
  
Billy Bob Joe Jim: Hai?  
  
Zel: You speak Japanese?!  
  
Billy Bob Joe Jim: A little.  
  
Zel: But your name. It isn't Japanese!  
  
Billy Bob Joe Jim: *shrug* You wanted something?  
  
Zel: *shakes head* Yeah, go find the others and tell them to hurry. The wedding is in two days.  
  
Billy Bob Joe Jim: Ok! *starts out*  
  
Filia: Maybe we'll have to postpone.  
  
Zel: *sigh*  
  
Back at camp.  
  
Gourry: He said to hurry. The wedding's in a week.  
  
Amelia: How long ago did he tell you that?  
  
Gourry: I donno.  
  
Amelia: When did he send you?  
  
Gourry: Hmmmm. I can't remember.  
  
Amelia: Mr. Gourry. Please. Try. To. Remember. This. Is. Really. Important.  
  
Gourry: Are you mad?  
  
Amelia: *really mad* NO!! NOW PLEASE TRY TO REMEMBER MR. GOURRY!!!  
  
Gourry: Hey! The giggling stopped. *turns around*  
  
Amelia: Hmm? *turns around*  
  
Gourry and Amelia: O.O  
  
.  
  
Billy Bob Joe Jim: *returns* Um, Zelgadiss?  
  
Zel: That was fast. What did they say?  
  
Billy Bob Joe Jim: Actually, you never told me where they are.  
  
Filia: Don't you know anything?! You don't have to know where they are! It's a rule! Just head in any direction and you'll find them.  
  
Billy Bob Joe Jim: Ok, cool.  
  
Shipheel: *to Filia* Isn't he just darling?  
  
Filia: *to Zel* She has a thing for the dense ones doesn't she?  
  
Val: Hey! I haven't appeared once this chapter!  
  
^_^ You just appeared.  
  
Val: Now, since when was there an agreement?  
  
-_- Go away.  
  
Screaming Fangirls: Be nice to poor Val!  
  
_ Where did you come from?!  
  
Screaming Fangirls: *blink, blink*  
  
I never made an agreement with you.  
  
Val: You didn't with me either!  
  
*mumbling* I have got to get better security.  
  
Security Guards: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  
  
A/N: That's all for today folks! (Damn this writer's block)  
  
Val: _ You only wrote two pages!!  
  
Shaddup! I just posted yesterday!  
  
Val: Wouldn't it make more sense to wait another day or two and make a longer post?  
  
Since when did anything I do make any sense?  
  
Val: You have a point. 


	20. A little lime and a commerical

A/N: (at the beginning) So, I know the last chapters were confusing. They were confusing to write. Ok *takes a deep breath* LINA WAS DREAMING. Um, she dreamt about the whole Amelia thing. Once Amelia went to bed Lina thought about the wedding and went to sleep. (And if I were a good writer I wouldn't have to explain this.) and she woke up, screaming. And you should know the rest. Did that clear everything up? No? Oh, well. Just write your questions in your review. (Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! Tricked you into reviewing!)  
  
Val: You're so pathetic.  
  
Amelia and Gourry: O.O  
  
Amelia: O.O We shouldn't watch.  
  
Gourry: O.O  
  
Amelia: O.O It's rude.  
  
Gourry: O.O What's rude?  
  
Amelia: O.O we should look away.  
  
Amelia finally convinces herself to turn away from the show. Xelloss is still on top of Lina, only now he's stopped tickling her and.  
  
Amelia: *slaps Gourry to make him stop watching*  
  
Gourry: *looks into the fire*  
  
Xelloss has Lina pined down between his legs. And Lina really isn't complaining. His fingers that were once tickling her to death were now wrapped around her. One of her hands was slipped up the back of his soft yellow turtleneck. The other was unintentionally messing up his thin hair.  
  
Val: Hold on one second! We're actually suppose to believe that they are.  
  
He noticed as he lowered his head to hers that she smelt like smoke from the fire, which fit her ruby eyes and wild hair.  
  
Val: I thought this story was in script.  
  
She licked her lips greedily and anxiously. As his face got closer and closer to hers she noticed his eyes flicker open for an instant. Instead of his usual smirk his smile was softer, so when the violet eyes focused on her she didn't fear for her life. She was.  
  
Val: Stop! Please! *curls up in a little ball* Bad images, bad images.  
  
He pressed his lips to hers.  
  
Val: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! The horror, the horror!  
  
She didn't try to squirm away, she didn't try to fireball him, (both would be totally pointless anyway.) she did something totally unexpected.  
  
Val: You only write well when you're being perverted.  
  
*smack*  
  
When Xelloss's lips touched hers, something snapped. She thrust her tongue into his mouth.  
  
Val: O.O What?? You can't be serious!  
  
With that they started in on a long exploring kiss. During which Lina repeatedly forgot she had to breath. Xelloss reminded her by pulling away and cooing into her ear.  
  
Xelloss: Now, now my Lina-chan. Don't forget to breath, ne?  
  
Lina took in a couple breaths then playfully bit his ear.  
  
Val: *searches through the authoresses room* Come on, *digs through pile after pile of anime related merchandise* I know it's here somewhere.  
  
Xelloss turned his head and captured her mouth in his. This time his tongue was first in her mouth. She slid her small hand up his shirt and stroked her back.  
  
Val: *mumbling* How can she write this stuff? *continues his search* ****Now, I know you all are looking forward to what's going to happen. But, this is supposed to be a humor story, with a little romance on the side. Not the other way around! So, I've hit the hundredth page of this story. (yeah, a whole hundred pages long. Practically a novel.) And I'm going to give this story a much-needed commercial break!  
  
Gavv: Hello! I'm here to tell you about an amazing product! It's called, Lime Clean!  
  
Val: *mumbling* I can't believe I'm doing this. *fake happy voice* Lime Clean? What's that?  
  
Gavv: You mean you don't know? Well, let me tell you about this amazing product! We take the freshest limes.  
  
Screen shot of really fake plastic limes.  
  
Val: *reading lines* Wow. Those look. really good.  
  
Gavv: They certnlly do! We peel those limes and squeeze the lime oil out of the peels using a patented technique.  
  
Screen shot of lime peels being bashed by sickly looking kids in a dirty factory.  
  
Val: *eyes wide open in shock and unbelief*  
  
Gavv: This product is guaranteed to clean anything!  
  
Screen shot of Gavv trying to rub a stain off some white carpet using all his force, a scrub brush, and some Lime Clean after an obvious time lapse the stain is. half gone. After another time lapse you see a totally different piece of carpet.  
  
Gavv: See how easily that stain came off!  
  
Val: *still in total shock, muttering* I can't believe it.  
  
Gavv: This can take any stain off anything!  
  
Strange announcer dude: LimeCleancannottakeanystainoffanythingLimeCleanshouldnotbeusedonanythingcolo redanythingblackLimeCleanshouldntbeusedondecelateitemsnorshoulditbeusedonany articalsofclothngyoushouldnotuseLimeCleanifyouhavepetsyoushouldnotuseLimeCle anaroundchildrenortheelderalyyoushouldnotuseLimeCleanonanythingyouplantoeato ffofLimeCleanisnotresponsibleforanyinjuryordeaththatisaresultofusingLimeClea nLimeCleanwillprobablygooutofbusnessassoonasthisaddrunssodontexpectanyrefund sdonottrytosueLimeCleantheheadhonchosofthecompanywillgoundergroundwiththeirm illionsofdollarswhileeveryoneelsegetsscrewedoverdonottrytofindthesepeopleyou wontbeableto.  
  
Val: That's just creepy.  
  
Gavv: So order your bottle of Lime Clean today! You get a whole two, that's right, two whole ounces of Lime Clean for just $19.99! But wait! If you call within the next twenty minutes I'll through in a free lap dance from Val.  
  
Val: Whaaaaat??!  
  
Gavv: That's not all! With your second order of Lime Clean not only will you get another lap dance, but you'll also get a kiss! And not just one of those pecks on the cheeks either. You get the full ten-second French kiss!  
  
Val: *muttering* Good thing no one in their right mind would ever even /consider/ buying this product.  
  
Gavv: Just call 1-800-Lime-Clean. ^  
  
^Not an actual phone number. Please do not call. No matter how desperate you are. You'll live without a lap dance and French kiss from Val. Really, you will. No. Put the knife down. Suicide is not the answer. Ack! Killing me is not the answer either! *Runs away screaming*  
  
**** End commercial break.  
  
Val: Thank the Gods that's over.  
  
Awwww, you didn't enjoy it?  
  
Val: sic her fan girls!  
  
Fan Girls: *go after the authoress with evil looks in their eyes*  
  
*while running for dear life* That's all folks! See ya next time.  
  
Note: I updated chapter 19. Last time all of it wasn't loaded. Now it's complete. Go finish reading it if you didn't! Thank you. 


End file.
